In life we all have tough decisions to make. One of the hardest decisions I've made so far in my lifetime was to end the unhealthy relationship I was in for almost a year and a half. I tried leaving for 6 months and never could. I was too afraid of the what if's. What if he kills himself? What if I lose friends and family? What if he ruins my reputation by spreading lies?
Eventually, it all became too overwhelming. The depression and anxiety, the hurt and tears, and hopelessness all crowded my mind and life. I hated myself. I was going to lose it, completely. I had to make the change or I was going to be stuck in a lifetime of regrets. He loved me, but not the way I needed to be loved.
One day, I decided it was time to love myself again. I was tired of hating myself for staying. So, I left on a Friday and I have not gone back since. I chose me. I chose to love me.
The what if's happened, but they were not as bad as they seemed in my mind. I have been told I am weak and heartless for leaving, but I'm not. I'm proud. Proud of me, for finding my backbone to stand and my footing to walk away. I came to the realization that if he were to commit suicide, I can not feel responsible. I can not blame myself for his actions. I have lost friends and family because I made my choice to leave, but I do not need them if they do not want to support what is in my best interest. My reputation can be ruined, but I do not care what anyone believes. I know what is true and what is make-believe.
Love yourself more than the what if's. Do not live a life of regrets. There will always be someone that will judge you, no matter if it is for your own good or not. Don't let that stop you, please. I let it consume me for too long, and I have a lot of soul-searching to do, but I can finally say I am loving myself more now, than I have in the past year. It gets better, the storm will pass, I promise.
So, chose you, love yourself more, never let that love escape you again.
