My sweet, sweet Massachusetts drivers. My love for you is red as a rose (or my bloodshot eyes as I scream at you in road rage), and as white as sweet innocence (or my knuckles around the steering wheel, as you're driving so close behind me you're practically in my backseat). My love, I laugh jovially when I jest with you, saying I can neither live with nor without you (but mostly I can't live with you. Seriously, I'm out here risking my life all the time just by being around you). Your eyes shine brighter than every star in the infinite night sky (turn your high beams off!!! God, I can't see). Just the mere song of your voice is enough to make every other sound evaporate (get off your phone and pay attention! The light is green, c'mon!) and it makes me want to sing along (I'm about to honk at you). My heart flutters fast at the breathtaking sight of you (slow down! You're gonna kill somebody!) and I want every moment I spend with you to last forever (speed up! Who are you, my grandmother?!). Sunlight seems to dance off of you, leaving the sweetest shimmering glow (brush the snow off your car, idiot). You surprise me at every turn (USE. YOUR. BLINKER.) and you fill my heart to the brim, until there is no space left (nice parking, jerk. Two spaces? Really?). I will always put you first, above all else (way to cut me off!!). You truly have my heart, massholes.
With love,
A fellow Massachusetts driver
