A quick note on the need to transform our self-absorption of entitlement and superficial concerns into some self-absorbed soul searching.
Our society is obsessed with the idea of love and as far as I can see, we feel entitled to it. The search for romance has overstepped its bounds and flooded into every nook and cranny of our lives’ priorities. When did companionship start taking precedent over self-development? Too many of us, from preteens to young adults are too preoccupied with finding a relationship than finding themselves.
Think of how often we’re inundated with this expectation to find someone to love us. We’re marketed ways to make ourselves more appealing, filled with pseudo-advice on finding the perfect man or woman; consumerism is preying on the idea of love and we’re buying it.
Love is wonderful, don’t get me wrong but the unfortunate reality is the definition of love is not what it used to be. Society has warped love into an unreachable ideal. We are searching for destination that simply does not exist. Love is being marketed as a solution to our problems and the advertising appeal of “the one” is just too much to resist. We’ve been trained to believe that if we find someone then we will be happy. This isn’t just a common misconception but rather a popular ideology that promotes narcissism and in this technological age has begun to rupture our empathy for humanity.
Imagine you “find” someone, whether it be on tinder, at work, wherever, it blossoms into a healthy supportive relationship but you don’t feel happy. Rather than thinking introspectively or attributing your unhappiness to a lack of self-love you jump to accuse your significant other of making you unhappy. This is what we’re trained to do, we were told “love” is the answer, we were told that a relationship would make us happy. So you break up. Now what?
The best option would be to take some time for self-reflection and pursuing your passions because relying on someone else to make you happy is unrealistic and unsustainable. This exaggerated idea of love we’re fed isn’t just making a happy relationship hard to find, it’s crafted a lack of accountability for ourselves. The hard truth is that if you’re unhappy, you’re probably not going to magically feel better if you find a relationship. The world is a harsh place and a lot of people are unhappy for a lot of different reasons but a relationship isn’t the answer, love from another isn’t the solution. Self love is the real salvation and realizing that exploring things you’re passionate about is of much greater importance than exploring your options on tinder.
Bottom line, if you’re looking for someone when you haven’t yet found yourself, you’ve set yourself up for failure. You just have to look past these headlines of "how to get yourself the perfect man" and see them as what they are. Paid advertisements for the idea of love.
