I believe that not one person on this planet can ruin us more than ourselves. We go through life telling ourselves that what people say about us really does matter, that when people judge us based on the rumors or at first glance then we feel the need to dwell on the look on that persons face like it was some sort of confirmation of who we are. Well, here's what I say about that - screw it. Coming from someone who does not care about the "in" look, a person's first judgment, or the rumors that somehow fly around, I can truly say that what people think about you will not destroy you the way that you will destroy yourself. You will demolish, obliterate, and destroy yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, over and over again until you conquer the voices in your head. They are there for one reason and one reason only, my friend - you do not love yourself.
At times, I find myself looking in the mirror wondering why my love handles have gotten bigger and why the cellulite on my thighs won't go away, well honestly, who gives a sh*t?! I love food, no, I live for food. Ladies, when you hit puberty, your hips will widen. You will blossom into a woman and yes, you will have curves. Your body is meant to have a baby, that doesn't mean that you're gaining weight, that means that you're physically growing into the successful woman you are bound to be one day. That cellulite on your thighs? Every girl has it. Whether it is on your stomach, butt, or thighs, every single girl has it, and if they don't? Are they really living? Because I can't imagine life without donuts. Stop looking in the mirror and feeling as if you are ugly if you aren't a size two. In America today, plus-size models are only allowed to be size four and nothing more, so, if you ask me? I'll take hips and cellulite over a piece of cheese and a grape I am only allowed to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Bring on the donuts, because what can I say? I have an appetite.
Lately, I've noticed that the "contouring" of makeup really is becoming a huge thing for young women these days as well. When I was in middle school, I had an Aeropostale shirt on, baggy shorts, frizzy hair, and shoes that were probably way too small for me. I never once thought about makeup until one day, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was getting ready and told me that I could wear eyeliner and mascara today. That was all she would allow. Well, I'm a junior in college, and still to this day, I only wear mascara and eyeliner. Sometimes, I look in the mirror because I don't feel value. That I have to make my eyes pop and my lips look shimmery in order for people to notice me. Well, you know what? you already have value. Why let society and social media bring you down for not looking like a size-two model with beautiful skin and makeup in the magazines that we are all photoshopped? I understand the trends and I am well aware of the "in" look, but does that make you comfortable? Packing makeup on my face to the point where I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror is a problem. These trends going around may make some women feel more beautiful, but I can tell you that it is making most women feel like they aren't good enough without winged eyeliner & a caked face. You look on social media and all you see are the positive things about the new trends and the "in" looks, but what you don't see is how much the suicide rate is increasing in young women just because fears are becoming realistic while the expectations of society are not. Society and what is being advertised is a voice, but your voice will always feed off of what you are seeing and hearing every day. If what you see is a girl that looks absolutely flawless on Twitter, Facebook, on a billboard, or really anything... then next, you are seeing yourself in a mirror looking nothing like her, comparing yourself to what I almost consider impossible. When I get home from work, you'll catch me on the couch five minutes later with a bag of Doritos, spandex and a t-shirt on, my hair in a bun and my eyeliner smeared. I am most comfortable at home. Why? Because I don't live up to the standards of today's world, and I would rather feel embarrassed of the way I look between the white walls at home that are hiding me. Society's voice tells me that I am not enough and that destroys me beyond belief, but I have value, so I am not seeking validation from not one soul on the damn planet. Just because I feel extreme amounts of pressure to reach these expectations, does not mean that I have to go out of my way for expectations that are unbelievably unrealistic.
I have taught myself to never seek validation, to know that my worth is more than fitting in. The advertisements that I see all over my Twitter and Facebook feed may make me feel that the masterpiece I have created for myself is not bright and colorful enough, but I am currently teaching myself to love all of me, 100 percent of me, every single inch of the world I have created inside of my head that makes up Keiona. We are all going to be pressured into looking like the girl next door, to have that 90's look again, to keep up with the latest dance moves (we all want to be cool cats), to stay caught up on the newest Sephora eyeshadows, and to keep the hot, rocking, size-two bods we feel that we have to have in order to feel at grace in our own, beautiful skin. Well, again? Screw that. I like spandex, big t-shirts, messy buns, smeared makeup, jelly filled donuts and bags on top of bags of Doritos. That's what seems real and possible to me. I love myself, so I will never let my voice destroy me as much as society tries to.
No voice is as mean as our own voice, so, you know what? Screw that and love yourself, because society does not love you, and love will always be louder than the pressure to be perfect.
