Acceptance. Compromise. Beautiful. Caring. Non-judgement. Connection. Genuine. Understanding. Support. Chemistry. For a long time, I have searched in my heart for the “true” definition of love. After many encounters with a variety of people, I became discouraged that maybe the love I held in my heart wasn't the same love that others held in theirs. I thought I wasn't capable of being loved in the same way that I loved everyone else. We are all so caught up in society, in our technology, that we spend so much time equating love to a simple 'ILY' text from the people we barely know. We either overuse a meaningless word, or attribute it to something physical. Many people commonly use the term 'making love' to define hook-ups, one night stands, and friends with benefits. This quite honestly makes me sick, thinking that people could be so quick to define their inappropriate sexual behaviors as an act of love. To prove to myself that there are other people in this world who define love in the same way I do, I asked a few people how they define love. The answers shocked me, because they were so pure, and proved to me, that I'm not the only one who feels this way. So, using some of the wonderful answers I received, here is how I define love.
“Love is putting someone else’s wants, needs, and desires before your own.” VW
This was one of the most powerful answers I received, and yet one of the most simple. We all have the one person in our life who would do absolutely ANYTHING for us, but how often are we appreciative of it? We are so constantly self consumed, that we hardly take the time to look around to the people in our lives who do exactly that, put your wants, needs and desires before their own. I strive to be this person to the people in my life, because I love them. I think if we all spent a little less time worrying about ourselves, and spent it worrying about others, we could all be happier people.
“Love supporting the person through anything and always sticking by their side in every situation ... you would do anything for them!” TS
The funny thing about this answer was it comes from the person who does exactly this for me in my life. We all long for loyal friends who would defend us to no end. Those are the hardest people to find. The society we have been raised in has taught us that those with the most friends are the most loved, when that is far from the truth. The person with all the friends is most often the loneliest person in the room, because they have too many friends to keep up with. Even though most of us know this, we all still strive to have the largest and coolest friend group possible, even if that means cutting out a great friend for someone who is more popular. Most of the times the people we chose to leave behind are better friends than we trade them for. We don't admit it though, because society has also stunted us in the way of apologies. For those of you who have friends like this, keep them around. They're worth your time.
"It’s appreciating the rain even though you’d rather have the sun ... the rain is necessary to grow. Love is beautiful and temperamental.” CN
Every part of my poetic mind adored this answer. How often do we complain about the rain, to then complain when everything is dead. This answer points out that we all are going to have rainy days. The people who love us are the ones that show us that even though it might be a cold and damp day, in the times to come, the sun will be out and everything will be beautifully green. I wish more people would see love in this sense, because love is not always about the good times. It's about how you made it to the good times. Stick around the people you love when their life gets hard. They were there for you when your life was unbearable.
“Love is supporting someone at their best and their worst, and being there even when sometimes they don’t deserve it.” RM
"Love is seeing someone as they are and accepting everything about them ... seeing them at their worst and picking them up to their best” HF
“Someone who cares for you, even your faults” DS
These next three I decided to group together because I liked the message they embody, but I also was impartial to the individual sayings. One of the things that stuck out to me about these responses was that they love even when they believe someone doesn't deserve it. Wow. Talk about unconditional. I think we could all use a friend who didn't walk away, even when we've hurt them. We are so fast to walk away when we've been hurt or burned by someone, but I think if we all gave wounds a chance to heal, we'd all be stronger because of it. Another thing that stood out to me was that love is defined as seeing someone at their worst and picking them up to their best. How often do we turn away from someone because they have too many problems? I can't tell you how many times I've had friends walk out of my life because they couldn't handle my lows with me. They took one look at me when I was broken, and decided they were too perfect to help patch me up. I try to always be a phone call away for anyone who needs me, no matter where I am, or what part of life I'm in. We all need a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold us. We're all human. Like these comments all suggest, we all have flaws. Instead of pointing out what's wrong with everyone else, or walking away when people's lives become too scary, what if we spent time walking along with the broken ones, helping to patch them up? I guarantee you the world would see a massive reduction in violence, shootings, rapes, suicides, you name it. Every single person in this world, no matter who they are, deserves to know someone loves them. Try spending less time pointing out flaws, and more time loving them.
“The person you want to tell everything to ... Their smile makes you feel like you can do anything. You’d do anything to make them happy just so you can see their smile.” DU
This answer made me smile reading it. We all have people in life who can improve our day with a smile. They're the people who support us through everything, the ones we can trust. We all deserve someone we can tell everything to, without them judging us for what we say. That's what a friend who loves us does, they listen. And, they care. How amazing it is that someone we love, or someone who loves us, can make us feel invincible by just their smile. Those are the people who you keep by your side. For me, this person is my Papa. Nothing beats a smile and a laugh from my Paps. When he smiles, I feel like I can conquer anything. I promise, if you take time to determine who this person is in your life, you'll remember you're loved even when you feel like life is crumbling around you.
“When you care for someone else’s wellbeing more so than your own, that and being able to be yourself completely in front of someone, that’s when you know you love somebody.” LM
I loved every part of this response. We all tend to put on a mask in the morning of what society has required us to be, so that we fit in to social norms. Underneath the mask, we're all pretty exquisite people. We are all each so genuinely unique and interesting, yet everyday, we hide who we truly are to feel a sense of belonging. Although we somewhat mask our true selves, there are people in our lives that we can be who we are around. I never really thought about how I act around people as a measure of how much I care for them until I read this and it hit me how often we change and mold ourselves for others, to then have a few people we let down in front of. Those people are the most important.
“I don’t think one person can define love. I think love can only be defined between two people, because the way two people love one another is different from the way two other people love another ... love exists between two people and thus I think it can only be defined in the context of two specific people.” CL
By far, out of all the responses, this was probably my favorite, because it ties together all of the prior responses. Each person responded to me with a way that they love someone, and how that relationship works. We all have the loved one we can be our true self around, the person we love who's smile lights up our life, the person who lovingly supports us, but most often, they aren't the same person. Each person we love, we love in a different way at a different pace. That's why defining love is so complicated, because it has to do with the individual person you love. In this sense, instead of me trying to define the general word love, I need to define who I love and why. That's what love means.
This was by far one of the most eye opening things I've ever done. I realize now I'm not the only one out there who loves someone else, but it's that I love in a different way than other people do. Sure, I'll probably never understand why people use it as such a passing phrase, but now I know that there are people who truly mean it. Part of my question was that I asked people to define "love". I didn't tell them if I meant friendship love, romantic love, parental love, because I wanted a variety of answers to look at and understand. And it worked. We all have the capacity to love others in so many ways, and that to me is one of the most beautiful things about human beings. Although I couldn't use every response, I picked the ones that were the most common and most thoughtful, and I hope they help people to realize that they have people they love, and that love them in their life. Thank you to everyone who contributed, and thank you for showing me how to define love.
Always,
HMS
