How do you love a girl who has never been in love? You don’t.

That’s the best advice I can give anyone. Being someone who has never taken relationships too seriously, you realize that love isn’t very meaningful unless it's mutual. I’ve heard when it is, it can be painful. I’ve heard it’s all consuming. I’ve heard it's magic. I’ve heard every single negative and positive thing under the sun about love and I’ve seen them too. Yet as someone who has never been in love I openly admit that most of the positive things I know about it, I learned from books. Meaning that although I have never actually felt any of the emotions myself, various authors have already set a precedence in my head.

Once, on a not so extraordinary day during my ordinary years in high school, my best friend yelled at me for not fully grasping the severity of her feelings toward a boy in our grade. I was supposed to unconditionally understand and although I thought I did a pretty decent job of comforting her, I guess my efforts fell short. Maybe my tone of voice couldn’t adequately be construed through our cell phones. I think my advice and consolation might have been lost in translation somewhere around the Sprint tower. Either way, I was angry at her for a while. I didn’t think I deserved to be criticized for never having been in the situation she suddenly found herself in. She tried to get her point across with a high pitched voice and word choices that stung. Yes, she made me cry but little did she know I was already aware of everything she told me that day. No, I have never been in love but I could relate.

See, I think that what people forget about those who have never been in love is that they probably have a good reason for keeping themselves at a distance. In my case, I’ve seen plenty of heartbreak and tears shed over men that I can’t fathom putting myself in that position. What I don’t think my friend fully understood is that I’ve dealt with situations similar to hers and worse. It may not have been my heart on the line but it was my brain that registered the consequences and my heart that learned the lessons. Granted, I might have yelled at her too but I can’t remember.

The point of my little anecdote is, just because I’ve never been “in love” doesn’t mean I don’t know what it is or how to recognize it. I’m not ignorant. People who have never said those three words probably have a good reason not to. I can only speak for myself when I admit that those words mean a lot to me and I refuse to fling them around like they’re part of the air I breathe. Call me naïve, paint me as immature or color me a hopeless romantic but just because someone says it to you first does not mean you have to say it back. It shouldn’t be a trap or a cheap trick or a safety net. If your partner has never been in love before you definitely should not use it as an ultimatum.

If by some weird twist of fate, you find that you do love a girl who has never been in love herself, you should never assume they are ready. She probably won’t be ready for that first kiss or the first time you hold her hand or the first of anything really. And even if she concedes to one peck, you should never assume she’s ready for more next time. There might not be a next time and that should be okay too. A girl who has never been in love should not be required to set herself aflame just to be sure you stay warm.

If you love a girl who has never been in love before, be patient. Just because she’s never said “I love you,” doesn’t mean she isn’t capable of loving. She may joke that her heart is ice or that her standards are too high for any non-fictional character to reach, but there just might be hope for you yet. (I’m not making any promises.)