Growing up, my mother would tell me that in order to be loved and to love back, I would first have to love myself. Easier said than done.
I spent so many years trying to love myself, and when I couldn't, I found the easy way out by searching for that love in others. I hoped that in finding someone who would love me, I would not have to worry about loving myself, however that only created more problems for me in the long run.
Now I have been asked, "How do you love a girl who doesn't love herself?"
My answer to this question is simple yet complex. So hang in there.
First, I would say that you have to ask yourself if you are ready for that challenge. If you think that you can support a girl through her fits of self-doubt and uneasiness, good for you, if you cannot handle having to remind her that she has attributes that need to be loved, do not even think about leading her on.
A girl that does not love herself is not problematic, or "too much to handle," and you are not a savior or deserving of a gold star for sticking around.
You also have to think about the factors that contribute to her difficulty in being able to love herself. There are many experiences that can cause a person to question his or her own worth or sense of identity. Be thoughtful and patient when it comes to her finding her way.
Yes, she will call herself names, and yes she will tell you that you are wrong when you compliment her and try to reassure her that there is nothing wrong with her, but it is not your job to make her love herself, so simply being there for encouragement is key. She will come to the point where she does it on her own. Do not over stress about the situation as it could potentially only create more tension in your relationship.
She will have breakdowns, she will be incredulous, she will feel like a lot to handle, but if you are ready to love someone, truly, then I will assume that you are mature enough to know that some people need work and that is okay. We all have our moments of self-doubt, and insecurities, so expecting someone to not have any is very unrealistic.
How do you love someone who doesn't love themselves?
You do so patiently.
You do so without the intention of changing them completely. Instead you stand by them while together, identifying all the good that they possess so that within time, you both can celebrate when this self-love begins to blossom.
