There's been a lot on my mind lately. I don't know how else to put it.

So, I guess the first thing to say is that I'm dedicating this piece to one of my best friends who passed away this week. He truly was one of the greatest people I have had the honor in coming to know. We practically grew up together, and I want to take the time I would usually write about something, like able-ism, to reminisce about him.

Secondly, for those of you who know me (or don't), I have struggled with severe depression since I can remember. It was really bad for awhile. After my surgery my junior year of high school, I went to one of the darkest places I had ever been. Even so, my rough patches of depression had come and gone all my life. And maybe this is irrelevant, but I also struggled with the idea that I was living in my older brother's shadow until I got to college.

Sources would say that I was my "own person" and that I didn't "need him to make friends", and while both of those might have been true, it's not how it felt. I was always "his little sister" to the community that we resided in until we both left for college. Even in high school, where our school was in a different city, I always felt like I was twelve steps behind him.... (and that's not because I'm short and he's like six feet tall... Ok... Maybe a little bit). Anyway, I always felt like I was never going to get out of the bubble. But my dearest friend who passed away made sure I never felt like I was never in the bubble to begin with, ever.

He included me in conversations. He hung out with me. He even played Roller Coaster Tycoon with me, because as dark as it sounds, we wanted to make the craziest roller coasters we could without killing anyone. That didn't really pan out, but it was fun nonetheless. He even showed me his favorite song at the time. He told me it was an honor, and at that time, I told him the song was stupid. But I've never forgotten it.

This boy, oh this boy, I loved with my entire heart. There was not a day that I could remember where the love I held for him disappeared. He was my very best friend. We were so close, that he even dragged himself to my formal dance my sophomore year after adamantly protesting. He said, "If you weren't one of my favorites, I wouldn't put a button up for anyone else."

We sat on the second floor of the student center most of the time, just talking. He told me about his travels to Africa, and his love for monkeys. I told him that I loved puppies, and to quote he said:

"I don't think that's the same, but puppies are never not going to be cute, so I guess it's the same."

We had a lot of fun that night. And a lot of fun thereafter. Before I left for college, I stopped by his house with his favorite soda in hand, and Starbucks for me. It took me two seconds to step foot in his house for him to make fun of me. But he took a sip of my drink anyway. That day, will be my favorite day. That day will be the day I remember him by. We talked until the sunset, and even then, we went inside his house and kept talking. I loved him with my entire heart.

He made me feel included, and loved. He was the first boy I felt comfortable around. We would stay up until three in the morning watching Robot Chicken, and then he'd fall asleep and I'd draw on his face. It was memories like those which I swear by I will remember him.

So to my best friend, I love you. And there are no words to describe just how much my heart will ache for you every single day. But you gave me some of my best memories, and I will never forget them. Thank you for all you've done for me, and for all you've done for the people you so amazingly blessed. You're a rockstar.

Don't ever forget me.

Bring him peace.
Bring him joy.
He is young.
He is only a boy.

Bring him home.

If you want to honor my friend, please donate to

http://www.monkeyland.co.za

To Will, I love you so much, and everyone you have blessed could not have been happier without you. You made such an impact on our little town. My heart will forever be changed, because of you. Thank you for being you.

Your friend forever,

Adelle