I find myself forever preoccupied with the wrong things my mind races, spins, twists, writhes around at the thought of my thoughts sometimes. at the moment I feel as if I’m a balloon rapidly filling up with hot air about to burst. Sometimes it is almost too much I feel the need for relief from this impending sense of doom backed by rage so bold the flames of hell would smolder in its wake. It is hard for others to understand the deep anger I feel at the core of my being most of the time. Sometimes myself I do not know its true source. Lately I feel the need to seek out a woman. I am becoming restless within my soul I miss the comfort of someone loving me unconditionally without any obvious reason. I miss the feeling of the warm body of my lover lying next to me at night. I miss the heartbeat of the woman I loved. All I want again is to find a woman who loves and truly understands me for me. Who will hold me when I am tired and angry and do not know what to do with myself. I honestly feel that my efforts are in vain.

One of the only things around me that makes this feeling fade is the confidence of close friends on this internal issue that worries me so. I just hope my pursuit to find someone to love, and who loves me is not in the end in vain. I know sometimes I’m not the most pleasant person in the world honestly, but the reasoning behind this is due to the fact that what I see around me is the beauty of this world repressed daily by itself I find the people and things around me stifling. I just wish that everyone could see the beauty within each other no matter how different or foreign they may seem. Take the time to sit down and learn how one another truly feel without holding back if people could practice this ritual of simple honesty. I feel as if the world would be a much more loving place. What happened to the times when the people knew that hate and misunderstanding where not the way? The world we live in is filled with ignorance and blind fear people know not what they do by hardening their hearts against all that is true. Or they do and just care not which is worse it just shows the state of our world and how much we truly need to change it is my hope that one day this world could come together and stand as one. Stand against hate, stand against fear, stand against the distrust that we have for our fellow man and embrace the beauty that truly lies within us all.