Sunlight filters through,
a circle binding more than-
My fingers to his
Life isn’t simple.
Sometimes I imagine him
loving me, again.
Endless days resume
I stand near the register
Trying, trying to
unravel from you.
Relieve myself from your smile
Claiming my Nikon
Taking the world in
the palm of my hand, knowing
They'll drift, like you.
Hold me, one last time?
You've faded in others minds
You're crystal to mine.
You've got me lying
to the one with the same eyes
the boy with the smile
Jay, my twin brother
How the monster deceives you
Who thinks money rules.
Jay, he doesn't see
The monster inside of me
Holding sanity
far away from me
By the ring around my neck.
The L word gave me
Along with the ring
life took my fiancé
to make my skin crawl.
Like the old lady
heading down the aisle towards
the cold register.
I gave her a smile
as the machine ate linen
"Thanks, have a great day!"
"Sup Kayden Rory?"
Jay, the one with my eyes smiled
Appeared, my savior.
"Ready to take off?"
To night school? No, bring me home
Though I don't reply.
"Are you alright sis?"
"I'm fine," I lie, I held the ring
tight around my neck.
"Mom's waiting at home"
He lit the cancerous stick
Home, our battlefield.
Who watches SOAPS like
there's no such thing as TiVo?
That's my mother, Jane.
Who thinks we're workers
the only reason we ‘live’
is to serve her needs.
"Bring me to school, Jay"
The boy with my same eyes sighed,
making the U-turn.
Mrs. Lovette paced,
"Embrace, the unusual."
Her saying that night.
This, is your true strength
To embrace the unusual
my unusual,
Is unbearable.
the fragments on the mirror.
If he would have stopped-
"Rory, honestly?
Take out your book, or go home.”
- Luke, could be here.
Cool air clung to me
But, perhaps not the real me?
Truly I am chilled.
Not by the brisk wind
But from the ghost who haunts me.
Keeping me here.
Home, our battlefield.
Looms over me, I enter
the dead man walking.
Her glare was ice, fire
I already lost this fight.
Retreat to the trench.
The bedrooms tattoos-
(offer me comfort, and warmth.)
-lyrics on the wall.
The door is yelling
my limbs refuse to answer-
it's my fault he's dead.
.My Nikon in hand,
I set out, capturing smiles
and laughter hidden
in the Nikon's eye.
Memories at shutter speed.
“Why hello there Miss”
Nikon flashed his lens.
Jay approached with a small grin.
I used to tell him
everything I knew.
Now the words are gum, stuck in
my stomach's digest.
"That's not a problem"
"What's not a problem?" he asks,
hugging him, I sigh.
"Forget it, alright?"
"Why are you staying? You should
be off to college-
-taking photos of
the world, not here, this town.
It's just not you Kay.”
"You need me here."
"That's a lie, I'm fine. Are you?"
Oh how my heart lurched
Brother with my eyes.
I cannot bid you adieu..
I couldn't with Luke.
Work, 7 hours a day
Life barely in existence
Wishes miles away.
He used to call me
starlight, since we only met
inside the shadows.
Now Jay stared at me.
Waiting for his sister to
recover, and smile.
Why couldn't I leave?
The monster holding me in place?
or am I doing it?
His mouth was moving
I was drowning in confusion
So I did what i knew.
Ran with all my might
Farther, and farther away.
Until my legs gave.
To Rainbow Foods,
with a tilted nametag.
Leave with 7.50 in my hands.
The counselor stared
"Is this enough for college?"
She kept chuckling.
A month has passed,
yet he still flutters to my dreams
only to be killed.
Only to be killed,
by flaming tobacco
and sharp toxins.
Coffee mugs, and plates
filled the lunchroom in a scurry
as workers departed
Stocks were replaced
as the registers chimed
and bosses hid alone.
Life was on pause
Night school resumed
life was on pause.
Colleges denied me.
my Nikon grew tired of me.
Jay gave up on me.
"Check the mail- would you?"
Jane asked, interrupting my Xbox.
“Whatever, yeah fine.”
Back outside, cold air
the mailbox out of reach
insanity on me.
In the mailbox
lay a large envelope.
addressed to me.
Savannah, Georgia.
Will you set me free? Nikon
jumped into my hands.
Dear monster,
you cease to hurt me.
Luke may be no more.
But I am here.
To stay, and challenge
you’re being.
I’ll fight for
those who cannot stand alone,
and those who pride-
Pride themselves
on the ability to be
independent.
Luke may have lost.
I’ve won something more-
to breathe with
those who cannot
and live with my Nikon.
To catch each
moment.
Along all the lines in life.
The cycle in love.
The fury in hate.
The deception in lies,
and the secret of
not you, or I but,
holy matrimony.
binding our souls.
