“Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.” Anonymous
Loss: Part 2
Yes, I too hear the “Daa duh, daa duh” "Jaws" theme song playing as you see the shark appear in the ocean. Love for many, is not a one time shot, and you have it right. Similarly to sacrifice, loss can be equated to all the different forms of love. The loss I am talking about is loss of a family member or friend, loss of a friendship, or more commonly, loss of a relationship.
Firstly, the loss of a close loved one is devastating. It usually means the loss of those who had the biggest impact on your life from the beginning. This loss, though more painful, can be taken less to heart than loss in a relationship. When it comes to loss of a loved one, we are reminded of the little things, to take advantage of the day, tell others how you feel, and always carry the love they shared with you deep in your heart. Loss of a loved one, however, may be more abrupt and unexpected in comparison to the loss of a relationship.
Loss in a relationship can go one of two ways; more often it goes one way. This way is one of hate, anguish, and distress. People often feel disdain for a person for whom they did not “click” with or that someone did not like them. The underlying anger is with love itself. Human beings, whether they admit it or not, all have a belief in true love and finding one’s soul mate. People hate being wrong, and they turn to regret these times rather than relish in the lessons in which the relationship gave them.
Everything happens for a reason, and I am a firm believer of this. In my experience of loss in a relationship, I learned it is hard to face someone you opened up to and who also turned his or her back on you. People will often be stuck and have to make a choice and I have often been that second choice. In loss of family members and close friends, I have learned to cherish every second with the ones I care about. In the moment, there is a lot of pain, but you learn in time to step back and appreciate the lessons you learned along the way from the person and life itself.
How do I apply this to my day-today life? Loss makes you appreciate all of the small things in life, and these are the things, which can turn a whole day around. I go out of my way to smile at people, compliment them, express my feelings, and console those who are grieving even if I am in a period of struggle myself.
We all experience loss in our lives, but our culture has made it look so negative and dark. I have equated the way the Mexican culture looks at loss and death to the way I look at relationships and love. Those who leave your life are not meant to be the one who you choose to spend your life with, but sent there by a higher being to teach you what you like and dislike, or how you deserve to be treated. You cannot go up to the plate every time and expect to hit a home run; you must learn and adjust to what life throws at you. Once you find your sweet spot that final “pitch” that you have yearned for and imagined will appear, and you will get to knock it out of the park.
“Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.” Oscar Wilde
Little Things: Part 3
"Little things," the two-word phrase that everyone tells you about, but you never quite understand until you have some life experience. Human beings crave the touch of other human beings. This touch does not have to be physical, however. This touch, or these little things, can be as simple as giving your loved one some flowers, making them dinner, or even just complimenting them.
The biggest touch and gesture is the proposal, but we are just talking about all of the things leading up to that in this essay. In romance movies, you often see the main character leaving something with his or her love interest as a reminder of them and the way they feel for that person. You see the glancing look or willingness to perform some mundane task just because it will make that person’s day much easier or less stressful.
For me, these little things can be a culmination of all types of things. The eyes are commonly known as the gateway to the soul; so personally, I believe the ultimate gesture is to look someone directly in the eyes. Holding hands, playing with hair, rubbing shoulders, and yes, of course a kiss. These are all obvious ways of expressing feelings and love, but the little things I am talking about are much more meaningful than that. These include wiping a tear out of someone’s face, holding them when they are upset and saying, “It will all be OK,” and making them laugh any chance you get. Kindness. Kindness is magic.
These little things can all be equated to kindness, but the drive to do these things without knowing it stem from a special connection. Of course, it is relatable to how one was raised, but when you find that one special someone, these sometimes little tasks, which may seem annoying or time consuming, can become the things which make you want to rush home and do for that someone.
How do I use this in my day-to-day? Every romance movie shows you to surprise a girl with flowers, a grand romantic gesture. Love itself is the biggest romantic gesture. Performing little tasks and doing an activity your other enjoys is what makes you appreciate and understand them. I enjoy the big romantic gestures as much as the next person, but I mean come on -- what is better than a look in a person’s eyes when you give them flowers or a letter? Done too much and they lose their luster, but I don’t believe that -- love doesn’t lose its luster. My gestures I thrive on are looking at someone as if it is the first and only time you will see them. Examine their eyes and smile, the way their voice gets higher when they giggle, brush a piece of hair out of their face, compliment them. These little things -- they truly are the big things, which make up love.
When is the story starting? Who are you and why are you telling me what to think? What is the point of all of this? Are there any other keys?
Well, voice in my head, the story begins now but every little story has to lay down a backstory. I am a student of love and the meaning of life. I will never know all of the keys or tricks of the trade for not even the great thinkers of mankind can know this. The point of writing this is for me to have a trail of my thoughts, and maybe shed a little light on who I am. Other keys? Humility, patience, courage, hope -- the list goes on.
“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” Mitch Albom
