As a society, we value authenticity. Still, we spiral into a wannabe world. We won’t admit it because that’s just not cool. We are a paradox.

Last summer, I read Gillian Flynn’s "Gone Girl". Although the main character, Amy, adopts the Cool Girl trope to psychotic lengths, her character speaks to the dangerous line we walk between wanting to be cool and sacrificing ourselves to play a role. Amy plays the role because she knows that when she is the girl men want, she is the darling of their eyes.

The following is an excerpt from "Gone Girl":

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer...and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth...while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want.

I remember when I first read the book’s Cool Girl monolog. I reread it a dozen times, stunned at its truth about the societal pressure women face.

Like all girls, I crave admiration, and I understand the attraction to the Cool Girl. She is effortlessly beautiful and entertaining. Whether she wants the athlete, musician or nerd, she knows what makes her likable and has feminine desirability down-packed.

While a woman may enjoy football, beer and stuffing her face with hot dogs solely because she loves them, the danger is in when she trades her individuality for a façade. When she compromises herself and her opinions for validation, she loses her authenticity.

"The problem is that the Cool Girl doesn't do these things because she likes them: they're just the tokens she deploys to show men that she can move in their world without disrupting the gender order, because she respects the man code," writes Sarah Ditum in her New Statesmenarticle "Against Cool Girl Feminism".

As Flynn's Amy discovers, the Cool Girl sooner than later becomes dissatisfied. She realizes that she doesn’t know herself anymore and wonders how and when she conformed to ideals other than her own.

While people in relationships may appreciate the other person’s interests and become partly attracted to them for their looks, love is not a list of qualities you check off as someone conforms to your ideals. Love is valuing one’s true individuality, despite their shortcomings.

In his Marie Claire article, "Do Men Really Want the 'Cool Girl?'", Lodro Rinser writes, "Underneath all of the burping and the poker and the throwing hotdogs down your throat, men care the most about being understood. We want a partner who gets us, who can see that we are good and cherishes us for who we are."

We will always want to be cool, but “cool” is subject to change. Instead of seeking validation from society or the opposite sex, let’s love ourselves and our imperfections. Men and women alike want to be understood. Find love in those who value you as an individual.

Above all, be hot, brilliant and funny (in your own way).