I, like many college students, live in an apartment. And, because I don’t live on the top floor, I have upstairs neighbors. Now, I have never met them but I have learned quite a bit about what they like to do by living beneath them.
1. Moving furniture.
I’m not sure if they’re just really into interior design or are still figuring out the Feng shui of their apartment, but these people just can’t get enough of switching up their furniture layout. Often late at night, I’ll hear furniture sliding around above me. They do this at least once a week, so their room better look bomb af when they’re done.
2. Practicing flonkerton.
Made popular by the American Sitcom "The Office", Flonkerton is a sport that involved strapping boxes of paper to your shoes and racing. And my upstairs neighbors love it. It’s their favorite sport and I’m pretty sure they’re training for when it gets included in the Olympics. They’ll play late into the evening with no regard for anyone who might be listening in.
3. Collecting and wearing lead-soled shoes.
These guys love lead-soled shoes. I’m pretty sure they collect them. Sometimes they’ll just put them on and walk around the apartment. I’ve noticed they especially like to pace from the front door to porch, occasionally stopping in their room, possibly to try on a new pair.
4. Lifting and dropping weights.
The person whose bedroom is right above mine is really into weightlifting. The problem is, they got banned from the gym for slamming the weights on the ground. Now they lift in their room. I’m not sure how much they lift, but from what I hear from my ceiling, it’s a lot. Sometimes, I think their floor won’t be able to take it and it’ll fall on top of me.
5. Dribbling basketballs.
Sometimes, I hear a steady rhythm hitting the floor above me, which I can only assume is someone dribbling a basketball. Sometimes they’ll do this for hours. However, I’m not sure how well it’s bouncing on the carpet, nor why they don’t go to one of the two basketball courts in our complex. I guess ball really is life.
6. Irish Step Dancing.
When the rhythmic pounding gets faster a more erratic, I can only assume they’ve stopped playing basketball and are now practicing their Irish step dancing. With as much as they practice, I think they might be competitive Irish step dancers. Now, I’ve also considered that it might be tap dancing, but I doubt you can really practice that on the carpet.
7. Just fucking stomping around.
Every once and a while, they’ll take a break from practicing flonkerton and Irish step dancing or get tired of bouncing their basketball, and just fucking stomp around their apartment. It must be really relaxing for them because they do it every night. I’ll just be watching TV and I’ll hear some stomping from above. It’s lighter than when they wear their lead soled shoes, which is how I know it’s different.
As anyone who has ever lived in an apartment can relate, upstairs neighbors are fascinating people. Even though we may not ever meet, I’ve learned so much about their favorite hobbies just by living one floor down from them.
