“An open letter to the boy who broke me and gave me the chance to build myself back up”

My world without you in it always seemed like a dark and horrifying place. A place I never thought I would ever have to venture to. Six months ago, if you told me that we were over and that you would be in love with someone new, I would have told you you were crazy. From the moment you first shared your blanket with me under the friday night lights at the last football game senior year, to the times we stayed up until 3 am playing monopoly in my dorm drinking cheap wine, and to the sleepless nights we would stay up and exchange thoughts about what we both wanted out of this life and how we wanted to be by each other through it all. The most excruciating part about your absence was not having my best friend there to hold my hand through the good times and the bad. Living with that as my reality has helped me come to terms that a life without you holding my hand every step was exactly what I needed.

I was there when it ended. I was there when you told me you couldn’t do it anymore. I was there when you revealed to me you admired a girl you had just met. I was there when you told me you would always love me.

I was there when when you started taking her on dates just a few short weeks after you ended us. I sat in my room pondering about you, about us, where it went wrong, and how it could have been different. All the while, you were off charming this girl in ways you used to charm me. Taking her places we had enjoyed, taking photographs similar to ones we used to take, falling out of love with me, and in love with her. “She is the luckiest girl in the world”, I thought to myself. It didn’t take me long to realize that she wasn’t the luckiest girl in the world. I was.

I was the girl granted the freedom to pursue my dreams without you influencing them. I was the girl who began to do things for herself. I too fell in love, but this time, with myself. I was the girl who lost you, but found herself.

From day one of our demise, I told myself I was going to use this experience to better myself, and that is exactly what I have done. I strengthened relationships with friends and have gained friends I never thought I would have. I started putting my whole self in everything that I do and not feeling guilty for it. I started reading and writing for my personal enjoyment again. I accepted a role as a character performer in the Disney College Program and will be moving to Florida for four months. I feel the most comfortable in my skin than I have felt in a long time. I have set goals and expectations for myself that were nonexistent when we were together.

I still think about you from time to time. I see things that remind me of you, of us. I miss what used to be, but have come to realize that this is a time to focus on what can be, and what can be is a truly awe inspiring mystery waiting to reveal itself to me.

Loosing you broke me, but gave me the chance to build myself back up again. What at first seemed like the worst thing that could have happened to me became the best thing that happened to me. I can’t believe I’m saying this but, thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart and for giving me the chance to find myself. Thank you to the girl who are now in love with, I used to envy you and wish you never came into the picture, but now I can’t imagine my life if you hadn’t.