It's been 9 months that I've "changed". 9 months ago I was changed forever. 9 months of a different me.

"You're different. You aren't the same. You really changed", that's what they say. I'm distant. I'm quiet. I'm not there. Everything they say is true too, but I can't help it.

Losing anyone moves you, but when I lost my mom I felt like I lost myself too. Living life is hard when the one person who showed so much interest in yours is gone forever. To feel your heart literally ache day in and day out but there's absolutely nothing that can mend the pain is mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Explaining my feelings and emotions to people has probably been the most aggravating thing about this process, constantly feeling like you have to validate why you act the way you do and why you feel the way you do. If you have never experienced a pain like this you will simply never understand.

Yes, I am different. I'm different in all the negative ways that you might think of-but can I share the positive ways that I'm different as well?

I'm different because I value people even more than before. I value life and the meaning of it. I love harder. I don't take anything for granted. I appreciate people a thousand times more than I ever have. Relationship mean everything to me. I say "I love you" more. I try to spend more time with people I love. I put forth more effort in forgiving. I connect with others on a higher level. I'm wiser. I'm stronger, and getting stronger everyday because losing my mom made me different in MORE ways than what people think.

Not everyone has appreciated my different and I don't expect them to but to the ones who do, thank you. Thank you for making me feel like my different was not all bad. Thank you for doing your best to understand me and love me through this very different me.

I am different and my different hasn't been the healthiest or the most forgiving but everyday is a chance to get it together. This process came with no handbook but that's why it is mine and nobody else's. This kind of different has taught me more about life than anything ever has and for that I'm thankful.

I'm different, I'm not the same, I'm changed, and all of this is okay.