There is nothing wrong with moving on

Whether you have lost your boyfriend, your husband, or your best friend, all of this applies. And here is the message we need to get through our heads. There is nothing wrong with moving on. I am going to repeat that. There is nothing wrong with moving on.

I swore that night I was never going to date again. I told myself I would never find the love Chris gave me again (ladies, I have. I have met an absolutely amazing man who has given me more than I can ever thank him for). There is so much hurt when you lose someone unexpectedly. This isn't a normal breakup. There's no fighting, no screaming. There's no blocking him on Instagram and stalking his new girlfriend on Facebook. There is none of that.

Instead, there's a couple of talking-out-loud late night lying in bed sessions, talking through my day with myself. There are a few grave visits and a few prayers. There are a few things that remind me of him so much that I blurt them out. There are a few pictures of us that pop up in my TimeHop. There's some sadness, some hurt, some confusion, some anger. Yet, in all of that, I had to find a way to help myself get through it.

Stop holding yourself back from being happy. Because once you do, I can promise you your guardian angel will be happy with you. You feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. Let yourself love, let yourself be happy, and please, let yourself live. You are still here, and you deserve that much.

Stop feeling guilty

They sometimes call this "survivor's guilt," because you are here, and they are not. This does not mean you cannot be happy. You will hear this from everyone: they want you to be happy. They do! In the beginning, this is difficult to wrap your head around. Yet, as you reach closure, you will find yourself being okay with dating again, doing things you may have done with them with someone else, and truly living to your full potential.

Why is this so important? You will never fully have closure if you do not stop feeling guilty for doing these things. If you believe in some sort of afterlife (and I promise, believing in something helps the process), they want you to be alive, and to be living. They want the "you" they knew. It is okay to date again, it is okay to remarry, and it is okay if you find a new best friend. It is okay to go do fun things and have a good life. No matter what the relationship was, you can move on from it and that is okay.

It's okay to still talk about them

There is a lot of awkwardness. It's almost like baggage. I have dated/talked to a few guys after Chris. It is always a little awkward when I've talked about him.

You should still feel able to talk about them. What the men after him have to know is this is not you talking about that ex who is still living and who you could talk to or hook up with at any time. Chris passed away. I can't see him whenever I want. I can't text him "Hey, I miss you, come over," because he truly isn't here anymore.

Okay, I might have texted him after he passed and told him how I felt. It made me feel better. AND. THAT'S. OKAY. Ladies, if you find another man who gets angry at you for talking about a previous significant other that's passed, he is not the one! It's like talking about an old friend or talking about a really good memory. What harm is that doing? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Talk it out!

It's also okay to cry and scream.

It took me awhile. A few years, actually, to be where I am now. We were in high school, going on two years of dating. We were the "it couple" of the school. There are so many places that house memories all around my hometown.

Four years later and there are still days I cry. In the beginning, it was almost every day. I was sitting in the shower for hours crying. I would drive, pull over, and cry and scream (yes, screaming helps. Don't believe me? Try it. Scream as loud as you possibly can. I suggest in your car, where the chances of the police being called will be slim). Do whatever you need to do when you're going through these days.

Because no matter how much time goes by and how much older you get, you are going to have those days. And that is okay. It will be his birthday, his angel day (I call the day he died his angel day. It makes me feel a bit better), or your anniversary. For those who are just experiencing this for the first time, it does get better. I promise you, I pinky promise you, this too shall pass. Did I mention that screaming helps?

But, please do not forget to laugh too

Laugh at those funny memories. Pick up that picture and talk about it. This picture in particular always makes me laugh because I remember my mom saying, "Chris, hold up the corsage!" and Chris just looked at it and said, "Ummmm, is this okay?" while he awkwardly held my hand (if you look closely you can see me cracking up).

I have one picture of him playing princess with one of his little cousins. I have a video of him singing "Rubby Ducky" in the shower for a Spanish project. I have emails of us going back and forth in English class. I remember Chris always "took a shot" of his fruit cups at lunch, and he sucked at math. He was always cracking jokes and made sure everyone knew I was his. I miss that. I miss him. I used to cry talking about it at first, but now I am smiling and laughing. That will happen in due time. I like to think of laughing instead of crying as a milestone. It is a sign you are moving on.

For the men after him, saying "I miss him" does not mean "I want to breakup with you and be single forever"

I will forever miss Chris. I miss him as a human being. And just because I do, does not mean I am incapable of loving someone else.

You are not incapable of love if you lost someone unexpectedly and still miss them. Some of your best relationships may come after them.

So, closure

You are going to have bad days. You are going to have great days, more than your bad days. You will have a ton of questions, questions you will never have answers to. So, leave it alone. There is nothing you can do to change it, but you can change what you do now, and what your future looks like. There's no timeline for grief. You may have closure after a few months, or it may take a few years. Wherever you are in this process, remember they are with you, they want you to smile, they want you happy, and you are here for a reason. Never forget that.