I'm Afraid Of Losing My Passion
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I'm Afraid Of Losing My Passion

And if you're any kind of artist, maybe you are, too.

306
I'm Afraid Of Losing My Passion

"A dancer dies twice -- once when they stop dancing, and this first death is more painful." -- Martha Graham

Although I cannot call myself a dancer, I am a writer. This quote applies to any kind of artist -- regardless of the medium. It could be dance, writing, visual arts, music, film. But when you stop practicing or creating in your art, it is like a death of sorts.

I have called myself a writer for years. When I was still in elementary school, I would write an animal adventure in a composition notebook. In middle school, I wrote fan fiction online and filled up even more notebooks- spiral notebooks, half-empty notebooks from school, anything I could get my hands on. I filled up with pages with my thoughts, stories, and poetry. Writing has helped me through the hardest times in my life and continues to do so now. It's the way I make sense of my life, of my experiences, of my pain and my happiness. My desire to write has motivated my academic decisions thus far, and in everything I do I always keep up the hope of one day publishing my creative writing.

But as I'm going through college, I can't help but think -- what if one day I stop feeling this way? What if I lose my desire to write, what one day the words just stop coming? How would I reorient myself without the one thing that has in a way, been my guiding light all these years? It's truly hard for me to imagine my life without it. At times, I can't help but put myself down for having artistic aspirations- sometimes I think that they're a waste of time, that they won't get me anywhere, or that my writing simply isn't good enough to be "commercially successful."

That's why Black Swan's lyrics resonated so heavily with me:

"The heart no longer races / When hearing the music play / Oh that would be my first death / I been always afraid of / If this can no longer resonate with me / If this can no longer make my heart vibrate / Perhaps I die my first death / But what if that moment's right now / Right now."

What if I am already starting to lose my passion, little by little? If you're any kind of artist, you may have asked yourself this question. Is it inevitable that part "growing up" is losing our motivation to create, forgetting what it felt like to be excited to write, dance, draw, or compose? These are questions that we as artists must face every day, as we try to decide how much time we want to spend creating -- that is if we even want to create at all.

I really resent the idea that giving up on your hopes and dreams is a part of "growing up." But I am forced to admit, that to a certain extent, it can be. Like many others, I hope to be able to pursue my passion while also wanting to have financial security and stability. And it's a delicate balance.

But even if I never become published like I hope to be, even if no one other than my friends, family, and professors ever read my writing, I hope that I will continue to write. I like to think that my tradition of buying a brand new Moleskine at the beginning of each year will continue, each one a chronicle of a year in my life- my ideas, prose, poetry, and random thoughts. I hope that I'll keep the notebooks that have been piling up since middle school, and keep adding to the collection. I hope to be able one day sit down and look through them all, remembering the happiness, the love, the sadness, the disappointment, all part of the journey I made to myself, trying to find my place in this world. It is a journey I am still making, every single day.

Even if my future career doesn't employ my writing skills, as I had hoped, I believe I'll always be a writer. I think I always have been.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

70902
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

132484
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments