The day you lose a parent feels like a day your childhood is stripped of you too early in your life. There are endless thoughts that go through your head, including a million “what ifs.” What if cancer didn’t exist? What if my mom’s doctor did this? What if this just didn’t happen to me? What would life be like with her here for my wedding, when I have children, and even my first day at work as a math teacher?
At any age, your mother is the most important person in your life. You don’t realize the role that people play in your life until they’re gone. As much as you wish it didn’t happen, it was something that was just meant to be. She was meant to die when she did. There was nothing you could do to stop the plan God had in store for her. When any parent dies, your life doesn’t end there. It just comes to terms with grief, acceptance, and adjustment. These three things are vital.You won’t ever stop feeling sad, but you will learn how to cope with the life you’re given when they’re gone. That’s just how it will be from here on out.
Trust me when I say that the overwhelming feeling of grief will go away. It has only been a year and two months since I lost my mom to cancer. It just took over her life, as well as my life and my dad’s life, for the past eight years. I didn’t realize until she passed the magnitude of the physical and emotional pain she was going through.
When she found out she had cancer, I was just in the sixth grade. I was too young to comprehend exactly what that diagnosis meant. My parents just told me that she was sick but that she would get better. Cancer doesn’t permanently go away; it just stays in remission.
It’s sad to say, but there is no cure for it, and it rarely fully goes away.
Everyone has different situations and different circumstances. I’m not here to tell you that this experience has made me who I am right now. Yes, I’ve become stronger and have gone through something that is beyond the word heartbreaking. The mother that my mom was made me the person I am today.
Her death didn’t define me — her legacy did.
When she passed away, I felt like everyone around me just didn’t understand and never will understand what the feeling of loss is like, until they go through it themselves. I didn’t have one person, thank goodness, that went through something tragic like this. I refused to go to grief groups, I refused help from people who I felt didn’t know what this was like. I held back tears when I shouldn’t have. It’s still not that long ago that I lost her, but I’m finding my way through the experiences I’ve gone through since she passed.
I’m here to tell you that you will never be okay with the fact that she’s gone. Yes, you feel better some days than others, and you learn to adjust. However, the pain of hearing a song, seeing a place, or just experiencing constant reminders of your mom doesn’t 100% go away. The way someone’s life is perceived to be isn’t always what it is.
Just because I post on social media doesn’t mean my life is back to normal completely, because it never will be. You learn a new normal in your household, in your mind, and in your heart while it’s still healing. When you are angry, upset, or picking fights with people left and right, you know the place that is all coming from. Losing a parent is no excuse for how you treat others, but deep down you are going through a loss that is permanent, forever.
It doesn’t matter how religious you are or aren’t. A parent that dies when you are as young as 19 years old stays with you throughout your life. The grief does get better and so does the acceptance. Losing a loved one makes a person go through the three things, I believe, to be the most important: grief, acceptance, and adjustment. There are in-depth stages of grief, as well as the other two aspects of losing a loved one.
Don’t tell yourself that it will take you two years total, or even a few months because that’s not true at all. Give yourself the time you need, the cries you need, the talks, anything that helps you cope. Personally, I don’t think I’m stronger because my mom passed away.
I believe I am stronger because of the things my mom always taught me and told me to remember the rest of my life.
She isn’t here to teach me more, unfortunately, but she taught me so much while she was here and I will value all of her lessons forever.
You are strong because of who your mom, dad, or lost loved one encouraged you to be. You are strong because you’re able to get through this heartbreak day by day, just as much as anyone is, including me. You are strong. Never forget that.
