On January 25th, 2012, my parents told my siblings and I that they had to tell us something.
I could tell by their red eyes and somber faces that it was going to be something bad, but nothing could have prepared me for the heart shattering words that would come out of my father’s mouth, “Today, Aunt Sue got hit by a car and she died.”
With those words, my parents broke down into sobs, while I sat there in complete shock and disbelief. I thought it was some kind of sick joke. I always heard about people getting into car accidents, but I never thought that a member of my family would fall victim to getting struck by a car on her way to work. It was always something that happened to other people, but never to someone I knew and loved.
My parents began discussing the details of her death– she was on her way to work and as she was jaywalking, a car drove by and hit her, causing her to internally bleed to death. She died almost immediately.
My stomach wrenched at how violent and horrific that sounded, and at the same time, how completely and utterly unfair it was. My aunt was one of the sweetest, most compassionate people I ever came to know and love. We spent many holidays at her house on Long Island, and she was always so welcoming, upbeat, fun, and a generally happy person who loved life, her husband, and her family with every inch of her heart. And growing up in New York City, I know that people jaywalk all the time– I had done that, everyone I know did that, and nothing bad ever happened to us. She did it once on a Wednesday morning on her commute to work, and that’s how she died. It felt completely unreal.
No matter what the circumstances are, losing a loved one is one of the most tragic, hardest things we will face in our lifetimes. There’s no way to justify it or make sense of it; there’s no magic word to erase the pain in our hearts. However, as someone who has lost loved ones due to old age and sickness (i.e. I had a few months/years to prepare myself to say goodbye) and to completely unexpected causes, I can say this: the unexpected death of a loved one will make you see everything in life differently.
It will show you how precious life is. We take advantage of life so often, maybe we even participate in dangerous activities (i.e. texting and driving), that we don’t realize how it can be snatched from us in a second.
One thing my uncle said after my aunt passed away was, “We never went to bed angry at each other. Even when we fought, we worked through it and would never stay mad at each other.”
Ever since, I have tried extra hard to be careful with my words and to work through my problems with someone instead of just staying angry with them or cutting them off. I’m not perfect, so admittedly I mess up and resort to being petty, but my aunt’s sudden death is a constant reminder that life is too short to stay angry with people. It’s a terrible thing to keep on fighting with and ignoring a person, not only because it will create more negative feelings between the two of you, but also because they might not be here tomorrow. You don’t want your last words to someone to be, “I hate you.”
My aunt loved fiercely and unconditionally, she was kind, patient, generous, and she truly never had a bad thing to say about anything or anyone. She saw the best in people and that is one of the many reasons why she was so loved and is so dearly missed. Even after her death, she taught me the importance of kindness and compassion.
I aspire to be like her and treat others the way she did. It’s what she would have wanted me to do.
Five years have passed and I still miss my Aunt Sue, but I believe she’s watching me from heaven, encouraging me to make the right choices and live the best life possible.
My uncle once said that she wanted to watch her nieces and nephews grow up and be successful...
For her, I am doing just that.
