It’s easy to say death is just a part of life until someone close to you passes away. It is, even more, difficult to understand death when that person was taken way too soon. It actually seems like a disservice to the world when young, healthy people with so much potential die from avoidable causes, one of the most common cases being car accidents.

Here’s to anyone who has ever lost a childhood best friend. From now on whenever you clean your room and find an old yearbook or pictures you won’t be able to look back fondly on those embarrassing middle school years because more than likely your best friend was next to you in that picture. Instead, you are reminded that no more memories can be said with that person. For that moment when you look at that old picture or when you remember an old memory, you can no longer text, call or message your childhood best friend.

Here’s to anyone who has lost their childhood best friend and has those ‘what if’ thoughts every day since you found out they passed away.

What if we stayed more in touch?

Was it my fault we weren’t as close as we used to be?

Yes, these questions do seem absurd, but when someone dies you search for answers to these questions to try and create some sense of closure. It is like you’re trying to write and ending of a book that was left incomplete.

A best friend you grew up with is different than any other kind of friend you will ever have. This friend saw you in your most awkward stages when you were trying to find yourself as a person. You two were there for each other through your first kisses, boyfriends/girlfriends and eventually those oh so traumatizing breakups. You and your childhood best friend stayed up all night sharing secrets and creating inside jokes which only made you feel like your friendship was that much more unique.

Now, all you can do is look back at those times and know that the friendship and memory you had with that person cannot be replaced. Yes, it’s sad knowing that no new memories can be made, and you might even regret not doing something to have been more involved in this person’s life.

Just know to stop. Stop beating yourself up over something you had no control over. Stop wondering what could have happened if you two were still best friends because you know that is not how they would want you to live your life.

Here’s to anyone who has ever lost a childhood best friend because sometimes it feels like part of your childhood was taken away with that person and that just isn’t fair. This might sound cliché, but life isn’t fair. Our time on earth is finite, so here’s to being grateful for that best friend and for the many memories you were lucky enough to have with them.