A lot of people avoid getting pets because they don't want to feel the pain when it inevitably comes to an end. Or they have already lost a pet and it hurt so bad they swore never to go through it again.
But all the pain is worth it.
Ever since I can remember animals have come in and out of my life. I can't explain what forms the connection, but once in a while one comes along and suddenly they aren't just an animal anymore. They are a friend.
I remember when I got my first dog. I was sleeping, waiting for my dad to get home from work when I woke up to a wet, black nose kissing mine. I opened my eyes to find a baby, black sheltie looking back at me. We've had dogs before, but this one was different. This one was mine.
It didn't take long for Panda to become my best friend.
I would brush his fluffy, matted hair, which I'm sure he hated but he never once growled or snapped at me. I dragged him through countless 4-H practices, costumes contests, and agility courses. Even though he was the laziest dog I have ever known, he always seemed happy to do things with me. That's how I knew he loved me.
When he turned 13 the good times were reaching their end. Panda was diagnosed was kidney disease. It wasn't easy. After months of medicine and treatment, it was clear we had done all we could.
I remember the day we had to take him to the vet for the last time. I looked into his eyes and I could tell that he was done. He was done fighting and I just remember feeling like I could actually see him. He looked at me like a person would and I knew it was time for my baby to go.
I never cried so hard. I promised myself that I would never get over him. That no dog would ever replace the puppy that I had with me every day for thirteen years.
I thought I knew what it would feel like after he passed, but it wasn't the emptiness I feared. I was at peace, just like he was. I felt so relieved that he wasn't hurting anymore.
One year later, my mom drove me to a foster home for dogs. We were just looking. I knew I wouldn't find one that would replace Panda.
But everything change when the goofiest mutt jumped up onto my lap. She was a brown border collie with a black mask across her face.
I remember how I held her in the backseat on the drive home and I thought how wrong it was to adopt another dog after losing my best friend.
But after falling in love with Lu, it taught me no one would replace Panda. That's not what this was. This wasn't a replacement. I loved Panda so much and we had our own little universe and nothing would ever change that. Lu isn't the replacement.
She's just more to love and we'll have our own story.
