I am sure that almost everyone has had trouble either making friends, or keeping friends in their life. As you age, it is easy to grow distant with those who you once shared fond memories with. Friendships may end for countless reasons, and today I'd like to share my experiences with failed friendships with you all.
I often try to blame my failed friendships on various factors. I usually blame it on different political views, moral standpoints, personality types, or interests. All of these may play a large role as to why I don't speak to people that I was once close with. However, I believe that if you are uncomfortable with a friendship and don't necessarily gain any support from it, it is healthier and wiser to let go of it.
But what happens when you still want to try and mend the friendship? What happens when both you & your friend undergo a conflict that breaks a once healthy friendship? I have experienced this multiple times when it comes to relationships and friendships. There have been several instances where someone's significant other doesn't like me, and so the friendship is then terminated. It is not mutual, and it hurts. It is a huge wake up call to see people you once called your best friends completely abandon you for their significant others. At this point it is easier to say "Wow, I was obviously not as important to them as they were to me". Self hatred and low self esteem are often felt soon after, because it is easy to not feel good enough when people just throw away years of friendship.
Losing a close friend can hurt just as much as a break up, and no one really ever addresses that. I believe it is okay to grieve the loss of a friendship just as it is okay to grieve over a break up. Friends, specifically best friends, are the people who you go to with everything. They are the ones you stay up with late at night, and the ones who you tell everything. They are the people you laugh with, and cry with. When you are single, they are your wingmen. When you are dating someone, they should be your cheerleaders pushing you towards a healthy relationship. When you lose these people, it can feel as if there is a hole in your heart. You still carry all these special memories, and it can be difficult to let go. One of my favorite quotes is "Nostalgia is a dirty liar that insists things were better than they seemed", meaning that those fond memories will stick in your brain because it is easier to remember those and forget the negative ones. As much as it hurts to have friends leave you and abandon you, things will be okay. I believe that everything happens for a reason.
What are those reasons? Well, first off, if someone is willing to throw away a friendship for a significant other, it is clear they are not worthy enough to be your friend. It is one hundred percent possible to be dating someone and to also keep your friends a priority, and "being in love" is not an excuse. It is possible to keep a healthy balance between your friendships and your love life, so anyone who is going to tell you differently is mistaken. You do not need someone in your life who is not going to make you a priority, and it is important to surround yourself with people who empower you and listen to you.
Secondly, if a friendship ends due to different opinions or viewpoints, this should also be seen as a good thing! If you want to grow and mature as a person, it often helps to distance yourself from people who are not maturing at the same rate as you. For example, if someone you've known your whole life still thinks boogers are funny and you don't, it is okay to distance yourself from them. In order for you to become a better person, you need to surround yourself with people who have goals and ambitions similar to yours. Stay away from the people who don't make you happy anymore and find friends who care about what you care about.
It is easy to feel like the world hates you when you lose friends. Feeling so alone might make you want to crawl under the covers of your bed and stay there for months, and that's okay. It is okay to miss your friends, but just like an ex, don't succumb to nostalgia. There is always a reason that the people you were once close with are now distant memories, whatever that reason may be. You don't have to hate them or wish any ill on them, but you also don't have to support their decisions and thoughts if you disagree. You can be civil and not try and rekindle that old friendship. Take care of yourself and your needs first, and know that all of the old friends you lost will be replaced by newer people who love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Stay positive and know that you are important! :)
