When you are asked if you want a kids menu at 21 years old you know that you look way too young. This happened to me just yesterday actually. It is not the first time someone assumes I am a child. See being transgender I pass as male, but the oldest I get is 18 and that is only when someone knows that I am in college; if not, everyone assumes I am no older than 14. This is the most frustrating and embarrassing thing in the world. I mean I appreciate looking young, but the problem is that no one will ever take me seriously.
The other day, I went to exchange a pair of sneakers that were too small, and I went on my own. That day I was even dressed more business casual than other weekends since usually on weekends I tend to wear sneakers and hoodies. But I know already that I can not wear a hoodie out of my house because that makes me appear even younger. Anyhow, I walk into the store dressed as I am and go tell them that I would like to exchange the shoes for a bigger size. They look at me and start asking me a million questions as if I were some sort of criminal. Just because they see me as young they assume that I stole the shoes or something. It was the most uncomfortable experience. And this is why I rarely go anywhere alone.
To be honest, shopping is when I have realized the most that people won’t take me seriously with how young I look. This Christmas I ordered a pair of earrings online from Macy’s and when I went to pick them up, when I got to the fine jewelry department, the man I spoke to said to me, “This is fine jewelry. Are you sure you are in the right place?” I just said yes and got very angry, but I left it alone. I really do not understand why even if I was young, just a child, I cannot be taken seriously. I mean there are plenty of rich children using their parent's money for whatever they want and plenty of children who save up their whole allowance for a long time to purchase something more expensive for mom or dad. But either way, as a 21-year-old man, it is very embarrassing.
A similar incident happened a few years ago; this time I was at JCPenney’s fine jewelry department, and there no one even approached to ask if I needed help. I had to fight to get a woman’s attention to get some help because she was about to help an elderly woman when I had been waiting there for her. Anyway I asked her to see a locket that was in the case and she pulled it out and I looked at it thought it was perfect and then told her I was taking it. She seemed very surprised just because she had assumed I could not afford anything there because I looked so young. The only plus side to it was that because she assumed this, she gave me a discount even though I did not have a store card.
At work and at school things are a little different. There they have an age assumption just because they know I am a college student. But that still does not take away from not being taken seriously at times or that I am still not seen as younger than I am. At my job, there was a happy hour one time that everyone was invited to and I remember being asked if I was old enough to drink and then when I said yes everyone not believing me. Then when we were at the place, I could see some of my coworkers looking at me and hearing them asking if I was old enough to drink and asking how old am I. In addition to that, at work they are often cautious of giving me a lot of work and sometimes they forget of the experience I do have just because to them I appear as young and when you look young, people assume you lack wisdom and experience and need hand holding.
At school, my peers are the ones that sometimes don’t take me seriously. I feel like I am constantly trying to prove myself and my skills. I am a computer science major and in my field the majority of students in my classes are male. Being transgender with my feminine voice, most assume I am female until I say otherwise. So first I am not taken seriously as a computer programmer because I am female, which is a whole other issue that I may discuss in the future, and then when I say otherwise I am not taken seriously because I do not look like them with facial hair, tall, muscular, etc. I just don’t look like a man, rather I look like a little boy. And I know that this may sound like they may have something against me for being transgender and still seeing me as female, which is part of it I do know, but being judged for looking young versus being judged for being transgender are two different feelings.
So far I have talked about appearing young, but actually being young, when people know for sure, they don’t take you seriously either even when you have proven your skills and intelligence. I recall freshman year of high school acing my biology class and when I corrected my teacher one time, not even correcting really, I was asking why whatever she was talking about was the case when in the book and when we had discussed it previously it had been different, and then explained the concept as I understood it. She just kept telling me that I was wrong and tried explaining it to me, and I just went with it even though I still did not fully understand why I was wrong. A few weeks later I was studying with some girls that were in the honors class, and I told them what the teacher had said to me and they told me that was wrong. When I saw their notes, I saw that what I had originally said in class was right and when it came to the test I answered correctly when some of my classmates got it wrong because the teacher had taught the wrong thing.
Anyway, at this point, I have no idea what to do on the matter of looking young or being treated like I am young. I try my best to look cleaned up and dress as much like an adult is expected to dress, but it seems that nothing works when you look as young as I do. Even when I was presenting as a female this was a problem. It just became an even bigger problem being transgender and presenting as male because no one expects a 21-year-old man to look like a boy still. Honestly, my point with all this is that we should not just assume people’s appearances tell us who they are or what they can afford or what they know or not know. And even more specifically, young people are not any less capable than anyone else to handle themselves. So if you are young or are assumed young and not taken seriously, or just not taken seriously for other reasons that you cannot control, try to always do your best in everything you do to gain that respect. I know that it is not fair that we have to work extra hard to gain respect and be taken seriously, but we all have the capability to be better than the best. And that is the most important thing to remember.
