The thing that moves us to pride or shame is not the mere mechanical reflection of ourselves, but an imputed sentiment, the imagined effect of this reflection upon another's mind.— Cooley, 1964

Who are you?

When no one else is around, when you're holed up in your bedroom or roaming an empty street, ask yourself what characteristics make you you. Who are you?

Maybe you're incredibly kind or uncommonly patient. You might have gorgeous green, yellow-speckled eyes. Perhaps you're a talented musician.

What made these characteristics come to mind, and how are you aware of them? Well, chances are, somebody else caused you to notice them.

For example, maybe when you were six, a bully emptied a classmate's pencil case onto the sidewalk after school, and teary-eyed, the boy thanked you for helping him pick up the contents. In third grade, you had a question about a multiplication worksheet, but your teacher was grading papers and seemed busy, so you waited the entire class period to ask, and she praised you for it. In high school, you received first prize and a standing ovation at a talent show for a song you wrote.

You recall these moments with pride.

Of course, not all characteristics revealed to you have been positive.

Your mother once scolded you at the grocery store in front of a crowd of sighing and smirking onlookers for attempting to steal a candy bar. The manager at your first part-time job made you out to be thick-headed when you struggled to give a customer correct change. Your ex pointed out how your waistline had grown since the beginning of your relationship, and two years after your breakup, you still can't seem to let it go.

Now, your current self holds the door open for strangers, and you don't fuss over the hours-long waiting time at the doctor's office. You tell self-deprecating jokes about your mathematical capabilities with your friends and avoid extra slices of pizza on dates.

You see, ever since you were young, members of your society have rewarded and punished you for displaying certain characteristics. Social feedback from your past has shaped your behavior in future situations. It encourages you to repeat those behaviors you were rewarded for and mask those that brought you feelings of fear and shame.

Knowingly or unknowingly, your behavior and self esteem are dictated by your predictions of how you will be perceived by others. This concept is known as the looking-glass self. It's a social psychological theory created by Charles Cooley in 1902, and more than a century later, it's still relevant.

Here's how it works:

1. You make models of others' minds and imagine how you must appear to them.

2. You imagine and react to how others judge said apearance.

3. You develop your sense of self based on these assumed perceptions.

So, you are not who you think you are. You are not who I think you are. You are who you think I think you are.

Still following? Great! Let's shift gears.

In the age of social media, we have more control over others' perceptions of us than ever before. We predict how our friends and followers will perceive us based on the content we share, and we work to construct an online identity based on these predictions.

Perhaps it shouldn't be surprising that we have begun weighing our worths in likes and views.

However, as we continue to construct the selves we believe others wish to see, we drift farther from authentic interactions. It seems we're cheating ourselves out of more fulfilling and meaningful exchanges. How are we supposed to come to know and understand each other if we're all working so hard to pretend we're someone else, to fit models that didn't necessarily exist in the first place?

It also becomes easier for us to remember only the most admirable qualities about ourselves, advertising that one time you fed the homeless around the city (244 likes on that post), forgetting the thousands of times you could have done it again, but didn't. Also, that was four years ago. Who are you now?

As our circumstances and experiences change, so do we. We're natural shapeshifters. There's no need to put a filter on it. We don't need to pretend to be someone else, because we're going to become someone else as time goes on.

Rather than allowing ourselves to be defined within the constructs of imagined mumblings from a tired society, we can show the world who we really are, how we perceive ourselves, and how we perceive others.

So, what are you waiting for? Get to it. Walk out to center stage, looking glass in hand. Hold it up so that both you and your audience can see a little bit of each other, and a little bit of yourselves. Pass it around to someone else every now and then. Or, better yet, set the looking glass aside. Step down from the stage, and immerse yourself in your community. Create an open exchange, or sit together in a comfortable silence. See each other as you are. Watch each other as you evolve.

In the words of Jason Silva, "The self is not a solid thing and never has been."