Sometimes, I look back on the past two years and have a really good laugh. College is nothing like I thought it would be in all the best and worst ways possible.
When I started my freshman year, I really thought I would meet the love of my life in a frat basement; a true college romance. The second night of school, I met a nice boy by a set of basement stairs who walked me home from a party and promptly invited me to Netflix and Chill the next night. I was thrilled, my dream was coming true, until I arrived to a dorm room with a flat screen that wasn’t plugged into cable and a laptop that had yet to be connected to our school’s wifi. Now it’s a funny story to laugh about with my friends but at the time I was distraught. What do you mean you don’t want to watch That 70’s Show? All the funniest stories start from a very, very uncomfortable syllabus week adventure.
But my heartache was short lived, because two days later I met another frat basement boyfriend contender. He was taller, older, had an apartment with air conditioning, and he seemed to be into me. He walked me back to my dorm, met me at a party the next night, let me sleep on his couch when I got too drunk, took care of my friends when we couldn't.. on paper this was a great guy and for about two weeks, he was. I told my mom about him, I would have let him meet my dog. But then those words,
"I'm not looking for anything serious."
Which was fine by me, until I learned that there is a real difference in the meaning of “nothing serious” between college boys and college girls.
In my head, “nothing serious” meant casually dating someone. No fancy dinners, no “go outside and look in the bag, put that on and be ready at 8” BS from @RelationshipGoals twitter. Chinese food and a Shameless marathon, drunken Domino’s dates after a party, and the occasional weekend trips to Philadelphia sounded like the perfect relationship goal to me. HOWEVER, in a boy's head, "nothing serious" means "When I wanna hook up I'll let you know. 2 PM, 2 AM, Monday, Thursday, whenever." Nothing serious means that they can have other girls coming over before and after you, but if you get mad that’s on you, because it's NOTHING SERIOUS.
You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. If you get angry (and rightfully so) because a boy is not treating you fairly, it’s “I have no idea why you’re freaking out right now.” “We agreed this was nothing serious” “What is wrong with you?” or my personal favorite, “you’re crazy”, a real crowd pleaser, 10/10 would recommend saying that to a pissed off girl.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting anything serious. There is no shame in hooking up with multiple people in a week’s timespan. This is not slut shaming, this is not playing the field shaming, who am I to judge the way someone lives their life? This is about basic human decency, respect, and being open to having-the dreaded f-word-feelings for someone other than yourself. I am a firm believer in the saying “if it’s not a hell yes it’s a no” in all aspects of my life, but I would never ever lead someone on and hurt their feelings in the purusit of finding whatever makes me happy.
