I want to be honest, real, and I want to show the pain that's still here. Ex best friends are worse than ex boyfriends. With ex boyfriends, or any relationship lost, you get a dull ache for a few weeks, a few months at most, but generally in dating, you don't grow up with the person. You don't know the most embarrassing things about one another, you don't call their parents "mom" or "dad" or have a key to their grandma's house. You don't usually have twelve years invested in one person knowing all of her faults and what makes her angry, reading her mood from across the room without her having to say a word. You aren't each other's world.

If you were to see our friendship through my eyes, it would be in first grade on the playground. You'd be witness to the blonde and the brunette, the two friends who were always together, so much so that your classmates know that the two of you would always choose the other first in dodgeball. You play pretend and giggle that you're *gasp* up at midnight! You paint each others nails, do each other's hair, and play around with the cheap makeup that you got from Claire's. You get your ears pieced together, she squeezes your hand and scrunches up her face, but she's happy you talked her into it. You go to church together. You start driving and then you're off to different places. You cry when your first relationship ends, you cry when your first family member dies. You're each other's rock, the stable force in the other's life.

The two of you joke that you're the long lost sister you never knew you wanted. You build forts, and dream, and discuss and debate, and yell and fight, and realize that there is nothing you wouldn't do for the other. You're each other's first phone call when something goes right, or when something goes wrong, and then she's at your house popping in a RomCom as she hands you some Ben and Jerry's and a spoon; while you're not happy in that moment, you feel the grief lessen.

Then, one day, without an explanation, something shifts. There's a change.

You no longer put effort into the relationship. She starts wanting to borrow your clothes and then leaves when she gets them. You put thought into her birthday present, while she gets you a box and then spends two of your hours "hanging out" - stressing over what to get her new boyfriend. The texts and phone calls aren't everyday and instead are about weekly.

Your parents ask where she is, your blonde other half who your parents consider their second daughter. "With her boyfriend," you respond. You start spending your days with other friends and getting time with them before y'all graduate and go off to college. You invite her over to go to a beach day with a couple of other friends. She only speaks of her new boyfriend; you smile and know deep down, that it won't last. They're going too fast. She needs to slow down, and when you try to be real with her, she throws it back in your face.

It's been three weeks since the two of you talked. You miss her, but you won't be the one to compromise your pride. You wait to hear from her, and finally you get a text that demands you spend time with her TONIGHT. "Yeah! Of course, we're having a family dinner, and we've missed you!" A couple of minutes later she flakes and spends time with her boyfriend instead.

Weeks go by. Her mom texts you asking you where you've been and that she misses you. You break, and you text her, your "best friend". She responds with that she's sorry she's been busy, and can she borrow your skirt for her boyfriend's award ceremony?

You don't respond.

She finally says that she and the boyfriend are breaking up. It's been a two month long relationship up to this point, and you've had it. You tell her that you'd be happy to be there, but you miss your friend and are tired of her just using you. The two of you have a glorious fight and you stop speaking.

Before you know it, it's been over half a year. You begin to realize the two of you grew apart, and won't be best friends forever like you once thought. It's like the ending of the "Fox and the Hound", except you don't think she'd still be there for you, even if you apologized, even if you needed her. You finally get that it's the end of an era, of a friendship you never thought would die. The stubbornness and pride of changing into two new people that neither of you recognize now; the two younger girls would be so disappointed in y'all.