So it seems my night with close friends ends in pain and the continuation of my depression. There is always this empty feeling that I have. The feeling that I am stuck in darkness in my own world is saddening. It bothers me non stop and every waking moment of my life is filled with darkness that is created by my mind and my experiences. Everyone has their own world inside their hearts, and mind. whatever their world is mirrors to their soul and shapes their soul to what their world resembles. My heart and mind has been in nothing but darkness for so long that my soul is full of nothing but emptiness or baron, and dark.

I believe my weakness to be my kindness, I am compassionate, and loving guy. I happen to not be the average emotionless guy that really only cares for himself. I care about everyone, I take in account of how a person feels and based on the situation and what they are going through will determine how I will act. I don't let people push me around when they cross the line of one of my morals but I think before I act. It just so happens people seem to want to take what they need from someone and once they get all they want then they move on and act like you never existed. This is the truth of how things are in this world. The worse part is I do not think I am going to change and adapt to society. I am not interested in changing to a different person so it seems I will be stuck alone and in pain until its my time.

I thought that I have been beating and winning the fight with my depression but it looks like it has been a stalemate. The darkness is winning the fight and the light is losing the fight. The dark entity that surrounds me can be seen by those that care to look for it or by those that have been through it. It is not too hard to look for because it is in my soul and just like they say you can see whats in a persons soul by looking into their eyes. It feels like I am a guy stuck in darkness all alone with no one to pick me up or help me in any fashion. I pretend like I am okay with all my jokes I pull out but really I am a guy that feels everything, I feel everyones pain, I feel everything, and I just feel too damn much. The part that hurts is that the only ones that seem to really see my pain are the ones I tell which is hard to let people in and let them know how I really feel. No one can see through me and understand what is really going on. Long story short this adds to my pain as well. Sometimes I hope the darkness would crush me and end my suffering of pain and loneliness.