Recently I posted on my Instagram and Facebook a picture of myself along with the following caption:

I have decided that I am no longer going to feel bad for who I am. I'm no longer going to apologize for the things I do. I'm not sorry that I'm introverted and that sometimes I'd rather stay home in bed and read a book or watch a movie. I'm not sorry that I don't know how to relate to most people over the age of 8. Maybe you should try to relate to me for once. I'm not sorry that I sometimes can't handle socializing, that it makes me uncomfortable some days. I'm not sorry that I'm insecure- you can blame the people who bullied me and the friends who left me after saying they'd be there for me no matter what. I'm not sorry that I'm odd... my quirks make me who I am and without them I'd be a very uninteresting person. I'm not sorry that I'm not funny, some people just don't understand my sense of humor. Last but not least, I'm not sorry that I'm not who you want me to be. That I don't follow the crowd and that I don't stand for intolerance and discrimination. I'm not sorry that I stand for equal rights for all and that I love anyone and everyone. I'm not sorry that I won't stand for being treated worse than other people and I'm not sorry for having feelings!!! What I am sorry for is the people who don't accept me just the way I am, beneath the surface I have a big heart and a lot of love to give, you just have to work your way to it.

Today I have decided to expand on this post and explain myself...

I'm not sorry that...

I'm an introvert

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that I am introverted. It just means that I like to keep to myself, I live in my head, and sometimes being around people is hard. There are days where all I want to do is lie in bed and read a book, but I'm forced to go out in public because of work or school. A lot of the time, being forced to socialize is a huge burden to me. I get tired easily from having to fake small talk and I usually just think about what I'm going to do when I'm alone again. (which is usually eat and browse social media/play with my dog) It's okay that sometimes I don't want to see people, I just need time to myself. I don't thrive in social situations, I'm usually left in a corner by myself or awkwardly hovering behind the one or two people I may know.

I get along better with little kids and most adults.

I worked as a camp counselor for 3 years for a reason. I don't know how to relate to people my age. I also tend to get along better with my older family members and my friends' parents better than a lot of people my age. I don't listen to popular music and I don't keep up with the Kardashians. I usually find it easier to listen to little kids talk about whatever the heck they want to and only ask questions to prompt them to keep talking. For the most part, while growing up my friends' parents all loved when I came around because I was polite and quiet and even a little bit shy, but once they found something to talk to me about, they would see a whole different side of me. That's what I loved about a lot of my friendships growing up; their parents all seemed to enjoy having me around. But, sometimes certain people don't get me, they don't know how to relate to me because we may be from two different worlds. But, I put in effort where I should and typically get nothing back. So, I'm done apologizing to the people who I don't know how to have a conversation with. It's not entirely my fault that you don't know what to say to me. Maybe if you paid attention to me and my interests, you could think of something.

I'm insecure about a lot of things.

For a really long time, I didn't smile with teeth and I'd cover my mouth while laughing or talking. Why? Well, in 4th grade, I was standing in line with my classmates, we were about to go to the library, I think, and one of the boys in my class looked at me and said " You have butter teeth, did you know that? " After that day, I started habitually brushing my teeth every morning when I got out of the shower and any other time I was leaving the house. It went so far that in high school, I would brush my teeth before a band/guard competition just in case the judges and audience could see the color of my teeth. Other reasons I'm insecure? Many friends that I had growing up left me alone. I had no one for a while in my life because they all said they'd be there and then I would go through a few days/weeks of wanting to be alone and they decided I wasn't worth their time anymore. I also dated a boy who made me feel like the most important person in the world for about 3 weeks and then made me feel like I was nothing more than a piece of trash thrown out of a car window. I've struggled with jealousy: watching my best friend have a new best friend. I've struggled with feeling incompetent in general because I'm mediocre at best in many people's eyes. But you know what? I don't care. I'm insecure. Get over it. Everyone is insecure about something.

I'm weird as heck.

I have a lot of quirks. I like weird things. I take after my parents; my brother and half-sister are the same exact way. I say things that are odd and sometimes accidentally offensive and things that some people really don't care about. I am obsessed with Star Wars. Many people have asked why over the years. The only thing I'm going to say is that Star Wars was an escape during a really hard time in my life. I watched the originals one night and they became a bright spot in my life. Eventually, it got to the point where I watched the originals every single weekend and could say every line of the movie while watching. But, it was a form of therapy for me, it took my mind off of many things that troubled me. Therefore, George Lucas is somewhat of a hero to me. The same thing sorta happened with Harry Potter my senior year of high school. I was pretty lonely, with my boyfriend off at college doing big kid things, and decided that I'd finally read the series and boy did that change my life. I became a little obsessed and a lot of people thought it was odd. (of course, it was only the people who have never read HP or claim they didn't like it) I do this thing where I pick up some type of movie or book or show and it becomes all I can think about and talk about for a while and sometimes it sticks with me much longer than just a few weeks. And, for whatever reason, that's weird to some people. But, my quirks make me who I am and I'm glad that I have them. I would be a completely different person if I wasn't as weird as I am.

My humor is pretty much just puns and dad jokes.

A lot of the things I think are funny are based on Tumblr posts that I've seen, memes that are circulating the internet, really bad puns, and dad jokes. In certain situations, I'm not very quick-witted and I think of a joke three minutes after the topic has changed. This goes hand-in-hand with being introverted. I sit and listen instead of interjecting and I lose my chance to make a joke. At times I reference things I've seen on the internet to the wrong people and they don't understand. A lot of the time, though, I just fail at making the joke understandable or I say it in the wrong tone of voice. I'm not too great at making people laugh, but that's okay because I laugh at everything. And I've been told I have a nice laugh.

I can't afford to buy peoples' love or really anything in general.

My family has never been exceedingly wealthy. I grew up with clothes, a usually full stomach and a roof over my head. I have a bed, some sheets, a blanket, and a pillow. I have running water. We have a washer and dryer, a fridge, microwave, a stove, and an oven. (our dishwasher is temporarily out of commission) There were times that I would have tortillas dipped in taco sauce or toast for dinner, and I'd only be able to watch the local channels because we couldn't afford the cable bill that month, but I'm lucky. I have a family that loves me and clothes on my back. Watching my parents struggle while growing up gave me the drive to work my butt off. It may have taken me a while to get a job, but now that I have one, I try my hardest each and every day to earn the money I need to go to school. I want to make my parents proud and that's my only goal. I can't afford to buy people gifts "just because" or drop $40 on dinner. I don't have the money to drive around town on a Friday for fun and I definitely don't have the money to get every single person in my life birthday/Christmas presents, but that's okay. I try to show my love and appreciation through actions and words. Holding the door for someone, giving a coworker a compliment on their work-ethic, doing someone a favor as simple as grabbing a napkin or passing the rolls at dinner; these are the things I do each and every day to show my gratitude. I am nice instead of rich and that's worth more to me than a ton of gold.

So, what I'm trying to say is... there's a reason for everything I do and who I am. Take a step back and realize that every person is different. Every person has gone through things that have shaped them and their lives. I'm not sorry for where my life has taken me and who I have turned into because I'm proud of who I am. I may disappoint myself but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on becoming a better person. It gives me a reason to work harder and try. So, I'm not sorry. I'm no longer apologizing. I am who I am.