As long as I have been on social media, I keep seeing posts about how people should look for someone who "never stops giving them butterflies" or someone you "always feel sparks for," because they are under the impression that long term relationships are a result of never ending romantic love, and never ending butterflies and nervousness.
But after 4 years with one man, I roll my eyes at those posts, because they could not be further from the truth. Any person who has been in a long term relationship will tell you as much.
Long term relationships become about companionship and comfort.
One month into my relationship with my fiance, I was all nerves and butterflies and mushy-gushy lovey notes and trying to impress each other every day. Now, my fiance is my best friend. Every good and bad thing that happens in my life, he is the first person I want to talk to about it. He is always the person I want to talk to. When I think of comfort, I think of sitting on my couch watching TV snuggled up with him and one of my cats.
Romantic love does not last. Romantic love shifts into companionate love over time. Instead of always wanting to be together and always be kissing and holding hands and hugging, you just want to enjoy a night in together binge-ing The Office. You go from always going on dates to nice restaurants and shopping, to watching shows together and playing with animals together.
Our kisses are no longer passionate, but more loving and comforting, and consist of small pecks to say many different things. Instead of texting each other all day every day, exchanging long loving text messages full of emojis, our texts mostly consist of funny memes and texts saying we got to work and school safe.
I have never been more comfortable than I am when I am with my fiance. We are not in romantic love anymore. We are best friends and life partners. I don't feel butterflies in my stomach when I see him, I feel like I just drank warm coffee on a cold day. I don't get nervous to see him, I get excited because I get to spend another day with my best friend.
Long term relationships are some of the most amazing things I've ever seen, and nothing will ever compare to any of the feelings of comfort my fiance brings to me. The feelings are indescribable. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
