Long Island, Long Island. If you are from it, you probably pronounce it "Long Giland!" What a charming accent. (I should know, I have it.) Long Island is the legendary home of "The Great Gatsby," Teddy Roosevelt, and more importantly, the Long Island girl—the pride and joy of New York State. If you ever come into contact with such a strange and bizarre creature as the Long Island Girl, the following may be crucial to your survival. So learn and enjoy!

1. Firstly, understand what a JAP (Jewish American Princess) is.

Know that the Long Island Girl is not a JAP. Unless she refers to herself as Jappy. But until such a time, the J-word is off limits.

2. The Long Island girl loves Starbucks almost as much as the mall.

3. Suffolk County is not Long Island!

I don't care what the stupid map says. Only the part where Splish Splash is can be considered in Long Island.

4. Understand that the word "like" is a verbal crutch.

She may say "I, like, really, like, like, Lululemon." In some ways, it is a speech impediment.

5. Long Island girl considers herselfa model on the runway, even in Juicy sweatpants.

6. In her early adolescence, she is extremely volatile.

Just ask my little sister. Yikes!

7. New Jersey is a strange and smelly place where some of her family may, beyond her comprehension, choose to live.

8. If she happens to be Jewish, she knows the best Kosher food is in Great Neck.

9. She is good friends with the LIRR, but needs a car to get to and from her friend's house.

10. She has that sparkle in her eye and an attitude that says, "Bring it on! I can take down the world."

Dedicated to all my Long Island girl sisters. No one does it better than you!