Dating in this day and age is hard enough in itself. But imagine adding the stress of having feelings for someone that lives 1000 miles away. You've seem to have found someone that ticks all your boxes on and off paper, they couldn't be more perfect for you. It's a tragic thought that you can't be together because of distance.

When I first met this certain guy, we were in high school. He had a girlfriend and I was jealous. I continued to be his friend despite the fact that I could never have him. I watched him date someone else and eventually got over it. I began to date someone else myself, but in the back of my mind there was always that what if?

What if he hadn't had a girlfriend? What if he felt the same way about me? But what ifs don't matter, they hold no true value so why bother thinking about them. While I stopped thinking about the "what ifs", I kept thinking about this kid. I couldn't stop.

I decided to go to college in North Dakota and he stayed local in Pennsylvania. It wasn't a big deal at the time, after all he still had a girlfriend and I was basically just an acquaintance at this point. We didn't talk as often as we used to in high school but that didn't mean he wouldn't pop up every now and again. We'd chat occasionally, talking about the basic "how are you?" "What's new?" type of conversations.

At this point, I began to date other people myself. He completely left my mind for quite some time. I didn't think about him or the "what ifs" anymore. Everything was going fine and I thought I had finally gotten over my *high school crush*. My college boyfriends were fun and I was having a good time. I didn't need to be thinking about this boy from high school anymore.

However, one day this kid popped randomly. We started talking a bit here and there again. I was still in a relationship so it didn't matter. I was over my little crush anyways and it was easy to talk to him. We'd go months without talking and every now and again just casually catch up.

We only ever talked over texts because of the distance, which is how I kept in contact with most people from my hometown. I didn't visit home very often so the best bet of keeping in contact with over the phone somehow.

Time went on and this awkward talking every couple month's thing continued. I didn't think anything of it and I'm sure he didn't either. That is until last summer when I came home to visit from school. He asked to hang out and I figured what could it hurt?

I wasn't thinking anything of it, we were friends in the past so why wouldn't it be cool to catch up and continue to be friends now? We went to baseball game and had fun just bullshitting and getting to re-know each other. It was natural and I felt comfortable. For some reason though, deep down I was still nervous.

It's not every day you finally get to go hang out with the kid you had the biggest crush on in high school. Sure, by this point I had gotten over the crush but that didn't matter. Here he was, wanting to hang out and wanting to get to know me again.

I thought for sure it was just casual hang out until he kissed me. I was trying to keep my cool but deep down inside, the little crush had resurfaced. I knew it was stupid to let those thoughts come back because I would be heading back to North Dakota and he would be staying, just like before. I tried to limit the time I saw him for the rest of the summer and that was that.

But now once again, this stupid kid was on my mind. I couldn't get the feeling of kissing him out of my mind and I knew I had to find a way to shake it. It wasn't worth it, it would ever work anyways. I thought about him often but eventually, like before, pushed him to the back of my mind.

I went back to school and continued to date other people. We talked occasionally like before and that was it. I wasn't going to let anything that had happened over the summer bother me. Like I said, it wasn't worth it. Maybe he only kissed me cause we had some drinks, or because it felt right in the moment. It didn't mean he liked me.

I went through the rest of the school year, hardly thinking about that kiss or the guy himself. I figured he was busy living his life and I was busy living mine. I wasn't wrong, we were both doing that, but little did I know, I guess he sometimes was still thinking about me too.

Out of the blue, a few months before the school year was over, he texted me again. This time though, it was different. We began to talk more regularly and about more personal things. Everything about him felt right, even over text. But the realization that I lived halfway across the country was still very much at the forefront.

I wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking, I only knew what I was thinking and it wasn't good. I needed to cut ties. I couldn't like someone who wasn't in the same city as me. That is just insane. But, being the irrational person I am, I kept talking to him.

I came home to visit for a few weeks after classes had ended and that's when everything had really changed. We started hanging out way more than the first time I came home. We were going to movies, baseball games, just driving around endlessly because it felt like we couldn't get enough of each other.

I was blinded by how natural and real it all felt. He was the type of person I had been looking for while dating every other person. I didn't need to be someone I wasn't, I could 100% be myself. I hadn't been able to do that with a guy since my boyfriend in high school. It was a crazy thought, one that I should have suppressed from the beginning but of course I didn't. This time around, I let those feelings out.

I didn't try to hide how I felt, I let him know I was into him. Unfortunately, he was into me as well. In any other circumstance, I wouldn't be upset that a dude was into me. That should make me feel beyond ecstatic. But once again the realization of me going back to North Dakota hit.

This time though, we talked more openly about what we were doing. Yes, we both liked each other. Yes, we both agreed we felt more than comfortable with each other. And sadly yes, we both agreed we couldn't date. There was no point in dating someone who wasn't going to be in the same city as you.

We talked about the fact that we both could find other people when once I left and that we could end up in serious relationships. It sucked. Hearing someone you're into agree that the feelings are there but not being able to act on them just down right sucked.

But what could anyone do in this situation? Long distance is not an option, I would never get into that situation. Maybe I'll move back to Pennsylvania when I graduate, maybe I won't. There are a lot of unknowns that could happen in the future.

When it came down to it we both agreed on something positive though, it we're meant to be it'll find its way. It doesn't rule out a possible future for us, but for now it does rule out pursuing what we have any farther at this point.

It's frustrating when everything is perfect, or as near perfect as it can be. You finally find someone who you feel like you're meant to be with but it just can't happen. And in that case, there really isn't much you can do. Timing is definitely a little son of a bitch. Things don't happen when the timing is right, I feel as if this is usually the case with things that are amazing. Of course, timing was once again not on my side.

Sure, we'll keep in touch when I go back and I'm sure the flirty banter will continue, but that's the extent to what can happen right now. In the long run, neither of us know what will actually happen. We may find other people and that could be the end of us. Or we could end up together in the end, who knows. We definitely don't.

While were trying to make the most of the remaining time we have together, we are also aware the impending end of our time together that is drawing near. No matter what we decide to do, it's not going to be what either of us probably wants.

If I had to give anyone else in this situation advice, it would be to cut the feelings off before they have a chance to even develop. That sounds like complete shit, but it's the honest truth. Sure, I'm enjoying the moments were sharing and the time we have right now, but at what cost?

We're only hurting ourselves by doing this. It's going to be harder to say goodbye when I leave than it should be because of the situation we've gotten ourselves into. Perhaps if we would have cut off the feelings before they began, we wouldn't have to have the depressing conversation of leaving. We're back to the "what ifs" and that's honestly worst case scenario.

Here's this guy I've had a crush on since high school, I have him in my grips, but yet I can't actually have him. It's unfair the way life works. I knew when I moved so far away I would face some challenges, but I never expected one of those to deal with my emotions in a dating sense.

Liking someone that doesn't live in the same city as you is awful. I wouldn't recommend continuing to go out with someone that you can't have a future with. Dealing with the aftermath of leaving is not something anyone should have to go through.

If you do find yourself in this situation, make sure you are open and honest with the other person. Express how you feel and the intentions you have. Don't let it drag out if you're not prepared to deal with the consequences that will follow. If it's meant to be one way or another it work itself out.