As many students start to finalize their plans for study abroad, a few might be considering the pros and cons of a long-distance relationship. Students may be imagining horrifying long distance phone bills, tearful conversations, and opportunities wasted. Just the idea of holding a relationship together across the world may invoke a queasy feeling.

When I decided to go across the country for college I was optimistic about holding my hometown relationship together. By that point, he had been the occupier of my dreams for nearly four years and I thought the time we had been together was some kind of marker of strength. I knew I loved him, and that’s all I thought I needed to know. One of the reasons I decided to leave was because I didn’t want to resent him for being my reason to stay.

What I didn’t realize was how utterly difficult it would be. The pain of not being able to hold him and not having him near me was a challenge. The worst part is feeling personally responsible for the sadness we both feel. But although it is challenging, in my humble opinion, it is entirely worth it.

My secret to a successful long distance relationship? Don’t be an asshole. No, literally that is my mantra. Before I say anything to my love I think to myself “Am I being an asshole right now? Does what I am saying have more to do with the mood I am in than what I actually want to communicate?” Yes, folks. The most important thing is not how well you know your partner, but how well you know yourself. You have to have enough self-assurance to be happy for them when things go well, and enough strength to keep it together when they are falling apart. Make your relationship something that supports you, not drains you.

That being said, long distance isn’t for every relationship. It is not easy. It pretty much sucks all the time. But if they are worth it, they will be worth it. That should be the foundation of any relationship.

So before you make any snap decisions about your relationship remember if I can do it, you can do it.

Kaden and I are approaching our seventh year anniversary, and although it’s never easy, it’s always what we want.