Two summers ago, I met him. One summer ago, I started dating him. At the end of that summer, I found myself not wanting to ever let him go. Unfortunately for me, we were (still are) young and in college….at two different colleges…9 hours away from each other. We had a whole lot of living left to do, and neither of us was looking to transfer schools when we were this late in the game.

Therefore, much to our dismay, if we wanted to make things work between us we were going to have enter in to one of the biggest challenges that our relationship will face….Long distance.

So we did just that. We agreed to try to make a bridge between Pocatello, ID and Moscow, ID and stay in each other’s lives. And after 8 months of trial and error, roadtrips and phonecalls, and missing each other more than we would have thought possible; here we are, spending another summer together. And here I am, reflecting on everything that our long distance relationship taught me about loving another person.

It won’t be surprising to anyone when I say that long distance is hard. But the reasons for why it is so difficult might be different than what you would imagine. I struggled with distance because I struggled not having the ability to talk about the hard things, the happy things, and the big things, face-to-face. I wanted to kiss and makeup after we had an argument, not sulk in my room. I wanted him to be there by my side, to share the memories that I was making during my junior year of college, not relay them to him over a text message. And I wanted to discuss our future together, in person, over a glass of wine and a homemade pizza, not to myself when I was alone and missing him.

I struggled because when we finally saw each other in person, I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted any issues or hard conversations to go away, because I just wanted to be happy to be with him. I never felt like I had enough time to enjoy our precious moments together while simultaneously having those tough conversations before one of us, had to say goodbye.

There were days when I missed him so much, that it physically hurt. And I couldn’t tell you how many times I prayed for a scientific breakthrough in teleporting as a form of travel. Every time I saw another couple getting to go to school functions together, celebrate a success together, or stay the night at each other’s apartment, I longed to have the same thing. I learned a lot about trusting someone else with my whole heart, which was both a challenge and a gift. I know that there were times, when both of us wondered if we could do this for a whole year. There were times when it tore me down…tore us down..but those were the bad times, and they never were enough to make either one of us want to give up.

Maybe I’ll surprise you when I say that despite all of this, I think distance could have been a good thing for our relationship.

While he was hours, and miles, and what felt like lightyears away from me, I realized the truest reasons for why I fell for him in the first place.I began to appreciate the little things, the ones that made him unique and that made us who we were as a couple, many of them were things that I had never even noticed before. But I grew a much larger appreciation for them when they weren’t right at my fingertips.

I missed how he always made me feel beautiful and appreciated. Every time I felt down on myself (which was more often than I’d like to admit), I remembered how lucky I was to have someone who thought I was great. Even on my worst days, my ugly days, and my cranky days, he makes me feel loved and I missed having him by my side during those tough times.

I missed how we could go from completely joking about an inappropriate topic one moment and abruptly switch to a deep conversation about our innermost feelings the next. I missed having that person who made a real effort to understand my thoughts when I shared them, and I missed hearing his stories, his memories, his jokes, and even his corny pickup lines.

I missed how comfortable and safe he made me feel almost instantly. How being with him, made me feel happy and at peace (even if I was hyper). His level-headedness and calm disposition were things that I didn’t even realize had an effect on me until I was without them, and I definitely grew an appreciation for them in the months when we were apart.

I missed the little things. The way his smile gives me butterflies every time I see it. The way I can look at him in a room full of people and pretty confidently know what he’s thinking about. I missed his sarcasm, his “fun facts” that he loved to share with me, and our random fits of quoting “Spongebob” or “Neature Walk.” I missed the way that he made me excited for the future, rather than scared of it.

Having to be away from my favorite person, allowed me to see him in a completely different light, and to appreciate him more than I ever had before. Helping me to see that distance is never easy, but with the right person, it is always worth it.

So that’s it. The real truth of what I learned from long distance and what it’s like to be in a long distance relationship. For those who have done it, and have been successful, I know that you’ll agree with me when I say that distance is only worth it if it’s with the right person. For those who haven’t, but think that you’re going to, just know that you have to invest your whole heart in order to make it work. And for anyone who is wondering why on earth anybody would want to enter into a long distance relationship in the first place, believe me when I say that distance really can make your heart grow fonder.

“Distance is not for the fearful. It is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it. Even if they don’t see it nearly enough.” – Meghan Daum