Out of four and a half years of a relationship, about two of them were long distance. Those two years have changed how I will forever handle romantic relationships.
Let me just preface this article by saying that I am no longer in this relationship. Please keep reading, though. Do not let that dictate your feelings towards this article. I just want my readers to know the truth. This is just a little bit of my story.
In my two years of long distance I believed that love would always prevail and that the miles we were away from each other were just silly numbers. Which in a very strong and committed relationship these things still should hold true. The first thing I learned, was that communication in a relationship is key when you are seven and a half hours away from each other. When he wouldn't respond for hours on end I was worried and scared. Always thinking the worst. I became a very tired person. Tired of waiting for someone to provide me with a little bit of joy through a phone screen. But I loved this man so I was going to do what ever it took to make us work.
In the first year I struggled. We struggled. We broke up a few times, and that was alright. We were both freshmen in college just trying to have our own experiences. I learned that I do not necessarily trust very easy. It was nothing in particular that he did that made me this way I just learned that I do not trust others as much as I thought I did. I learned that there are flirtations whether you like it or not. On your end and on theirs. People just simply do not take the idea of a long distance relationship seriously. This only made me more determined to show others that we were committed to one another. This is when I learned that for me I need one hundred and ten percent commitment in a relationship. If you cannot give that to me then I honestly would prefer to just be friends or not have you in my life at all. I deserve to have someone be as committed to me as I am to them.
In our second year we started off strong and fresh. I thought that I had mastered a long distance relationship and that we were going to make it work. The tricky part is that it is only going to work if both of you really and I mean really want it to work. My rose colored glasses that I saw my love life through shattered when I realized I wanted our relationship so much more than he did. But still I didn't break it off. I waited for him to end it. He did, and it hurt. My whole little world which revolved solely around him was shattered. I grieved our relationship for a long time. This time however was when I saw reality. I was not ready for another relationship even though for two years I would hardly call what we had a relationship. We saw each other every 3 months for less than 48 hours and in those hours we had at least two full nights of sleep. That isn't a fufilling relationship.
A long distance relationship has changed me for better and for worse. I have been called "low maitenece" by some men, which I take as a compliment. I do not need a lot, except for time. Time though has become a little bit of a fixation. If a man cannot give me time then he is simply not worth my time then at all. I don't want pretty gifts, surprises, or expensive dinners (although they are nice sometimes). I want time spent with the person I care about. I also do like to have my time alone. From seeing someone every 3 months to dating someone new and seeing them every day and having them sleep over, do homework, and eat together is scary for me. It is overwhelming. I had a guy I was dating surprise me with soup when I was sick once (cute right?) well this made me upset. I didn't ask for that and it stressed me out (I sound crazy I know). I was so used to having my alone time that I didn't realize it would be so weird diving back into the dating world. I don't trust as easy and I put up walls too fast. I guard my heart. This sounds negative but it isn't. I protect myself because sometimes I need to come first. I learned to not take advantage of any time you have with the person you love. I also learned that its the little things like a simple phone call that count and mean the most.
I got coffee with my ex last December and he mentioned that I used to be such a hopeless romantic and that he didn't like to see me so "calloused". This comment made me realize that I am not calloused but I am also not the beautiful little fool who believes that love will salvage everything. Because it won't, and it didn't. Two strong souls who are deeply connected and thrive through constant and avid communication will make a long distance relationship work. We weren't that. And I hope to never have to do long distance again. It is hard for anyone. Just know that a long distance relationship will change you. And it will change you for the better in the long run. You might question the better part sometimes but thats ok. It forced me to figure out my boundaries for my next relationships. It forced me to figure out what I truly need from a man so that I may have the most amazing relationship when I eventually find it. It forced me to realize that at the end of the day only I can make myself truly happy, not someone else.
