As I was talking to a friend the other night I thought I'd write about the most important things that have kept me strong in my long-distance relationship. It has been almost two years that I have been dating my high school boyfriend, Brandon. With the majority of time being in college, I figured I could give a little bit of insight on how we have stayed strong.
Communication
I believe this is the most important factor of any healthy relationship. You need to talk to your significant other. For long distance, you have to develop the same skill of talking and touching base with people even if they are not physically with you.
To do this you can use the phone, facetime, skype, texting, or even writing letters. The letters may be a little old fashion but, I still do this as an extra way to communicate because I feel that it is really personal. It makes me feel so loved to receive a note, so it inspires me to share that same love back with people in my life that are meaningful.
Staying Connected
This point is similar to communicating but, it's staying connected. For example, I want to know what Brandon is doing and I get excited for him to tell me about it. The same goes for him, he wants to know what's going on in my life too. I think that this is healthy if you care about people, you check in on them and support them (even though we are not physically together).
I've learned to make a priorities list. After leaving high school, it can sometimes be so hard to stay in contact with your significant other or just friends. If you are both on the same page knowing how much time and effort needs to be put in and are willing to adjust your schedules, you can do it. It isn't that we are always perfect at this, but you have to make this effort. For example, I typically always talk to B at night because he plays baseball in the morning and then has classes after, so while we're both at school I know and have in my schedule that we talk at night. For us, this works for us and is the easiest. So, I would recommend figuring out your schedule, discuss theirs, and from there making the time and effort to stay connected.
Friendship
To keep your long distance relationship going I would say you have to be pretty compatible friends. You will see pretty quick that since you aren't always together, that if it is just something physical or convenient that it will not work out. I know from friends experiences that your relationship will crumble if you're not well rooted in a friendship first and foremost.
Similar Values
Balance/Trust
Having a relationship can be hard whether you are near or far. As I said before, communication is important, however, you still need to find some balance and trust in your relationship. If you are going to be away from each other and not have to worry about what decisions they are going to make, trust must be the forerunner in the relationship.
Personally, B and I are both in college and while we are both figuring out life, I know that there is a piece of him also with me here and that we are growing in this new adventure together. This is the way that I like to look at the situation. It makes life easier being apart and makes me feel good. I have found that this has actually strengthened our relationship. While it may be hard at times, the distance has also let us focus on ourselves and built us into better, smarter people that in the end will be better for each other.
Support
I think this a key point: that you should be with someone who supports you. Someone that is going to lift you when you fall. I would say that it is essential to both have the mindset to help each other grow into better people. Every day, apart or together, it is a desire and goal of mine to become a better version of myself. I want to do this for my boyfriend and all my friends. I need someone who is going to support me and inspire me to reach that potential, especially when I don't see it in myself. I think this is important in any relationship, that it brings you up and makes you better... not the opposite.
In your relationship, you need for your partner to be encouraging and seek to help you.
Beware!!!
Side note: One of my fears is to actually just be comfortable with someone so long that your love dies and that you just have no care for each other. I know this happens to people and that nothing is changing or growing inside either of them... don't do this.
Work
Overall it is going to be hard work to keep a relationship going, but it is worth it if both people are dedicated. Just remember, it is very possible and a lot of people are in the same situation as you. Essentially, being apart for so much time makes your time together better. On breaks, it is so much more satisfying and enjoyable to see each other because it has been so long. I've realized from this experience that your relationship can actually become strengthened and that you are more grateful in the end.
Hope this helps + inspires!
xoxo
Ally
