I’m just going to go and flat out say it, the one thing that this generation of college students is afraid of is long distance relationships.

Honestly, it’s a touchy subject, because so many of us have had to deal with it. We get into relationships in high school, and then they get torn apart after a few years because of the separation that college brings.

But, does it have to really be that way?

Diving into a long distance relationship is a choice that couples have to make, and if you choose to go down that path, it can honestly be really amazing.

Or, it can be really bad. Either way, it’s hard. You have to be strong to make it to the points when you will see each other, and you have to be strong when things don’t work out. The hardest part of it all is that long distance is really a gamble because it is something that is taken day by day.

I’m no expert on long distance, but I think that my experience is one that could bring hope to couples who are trying to figure it out.

So, here are some things that I have learned over the course of three years:

1. You and your partner must be on the same page.

If you’re going to be with someone who is living hours away from you, you need to be on the same level of commitment. This means you will have to share honestly how you are feeling about the status of your relationship. If you are really happy, that needs to be communicated.

If you aren’t feeling too great, that needs to be talked about too. You cannot leave anything unsaid, because things that are left alone will only get harder to deal with, not better. Honestly, if you are going to commit yourself to someone, you should be able to say anything that is on your mind. Your partner is there to help you and make you stronger, not to become an object of stress.

2. You can’t let the commitment take away from who you are.

Long distance means that Facetime, texting, and calling is how you and your partner will get to “spend time together.” When these things do get to happen, it’s great. But you cannot be glued to your phone every second of the day waiting to hear from them.

You really shouldn’t let yourself sit in your room all alone on a Friday night waiting for a Facetime just to catch a glimpse of their face. Ultimately, you cannot forget that while you are in a relationship, you each are your own person who needs time to do the things that make you happy, aside from the relationship.

To keep the relationship healthy, it is really important to go out, spend time with friends, focus on schoolwork, and know that at the end of the day, your partner is waiting and wanting to hear from you just as much as you want to hear from them. I would say that the healthiest and happiest long distance relationships are the ones where personal space is extremely relevant, yet making the time to communicate does happen frequently, when it is most convenient for the both of you.

3. Jealousy will hurt your relationship.

Your partner is allowed to be friends with girls and boys and whoever they want to be friends with. If you are getting jealous over who they are hanging around with, that’s a clear indicator that subconsciously, you do not trust your partner. Trust is the key to long distance, and constantly being jealous over a really normal thing, a friendship, is borderline crazy. You will drive your partner to the breaking point if you cannot subdue your jealousy.

4. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

You cannot try to control every aspect of the relationship, because it just will not work out. Plain and simple.

5. You will grow as an individual, and your partner needs to accept that.

College — or really any environment where you are living on your own for the first time — is an environment that is bound to shape you into a new person. You will probably develop some new habits that your partner has never seen, whether good or bad. You both need to be prepared for that change and understand that loving someone means accepting them for who they are becoming. You cannot hold on to the people you were in the past and hope that your relationship will be exactly the same as it has always been. Sometimes change is good.

6. You will need to be forgiving.

Mistakes are bound to be made by the both of you. I'm not talking about really big mistakes like cheating. Mistakes come in small forms as well. There may be little things that will tick you off, but you will both have to learn that forgiveness is key because we should be able to forgive the ones we love and want to be with. If you can't forgive and let go of the little things, it's not going to work out.

7. Sometimes taking space can be a good thing.

No matter how hard you try to keep things alive, distance can sometimes get the best of a relationship. You cannot lie to yourself if things aren’t feeling right. That is the worst thing you could do to yourself and to your partner.

Like I said before, honesty is key. If you need to take some time for yourself, there is nothing wrong with respectfully asking for it. It probably will hurt you both in some ways, but what will hurt both of you more is dishonesty. You might feel better after a couple of weeks, or even a couple of months. It takes time.

This is going to sound super cliché, but you cannot run away from what your heart is telling you. The strongest relationships are those that can be broken, yet find their way back again. It definitely sounds a lot easier than it is. But remembering who you are and not getting lost in the hardships of long distance is what will prove to become a defining factor for your future.

8. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder.

When you have finally made it to the point where you will see your partner again, it is absolutely amazing and makes every moment of long distance worth it. Being apart will most likely make you guys so much more appreciative of what you share.

Finally getting to just hold each other again and go on real dates and talk face to face and probably share every second possible together, that is what reminds you why you both chose to make this commitment. I cannot say that there is any better feeling in the world than this one.

9. Every goodbye leads to a hello.

Honestly, it’s rough when you have got to say goodbye no matter what the relationship “status” is. Being separated from the person you love never gets easier. But, you have just got to look forward to the next time you will be together again. If you stay positive, the time will fly by.

10. The distance will make your relationship stronger, but only if you let it.

Because if you can get through the separation for months on end, you guys can get through anything.

I am certainly not saying that everything I have listed here is right. We are all entitled to do things in our own ways. These are just some of the things that I have discovered from my own experience with long distance.

I am also not saying that my relationship is perfect because it’s not— no relationship is. But it is for sure something that I value very much. Through every up and down, on and off, good and bad, my guy has been my best friend. I know that he will continue to be until the distance is over and we decide where to go next.

It works for us because we know that we are individuals who share something in common— we love each other through the good and the bad, and we are willing to do whatever is necessary to make sure we will have one another for a long time to come.

We have accepted, together, that taking this on was not meant to be easy, and there will be and have been many obstacles. And that is okay. For three years, we have been figuring it out, and we will continue to.

You have just got to be fearless and know that love usually wins.