The holidays can be a really hard time of the year for people. Some people do not have the benefit of having a loving family around them. Some people do not have a family around them at all. And that really breaks my heart.
I do have the privilege of having a loving family and some cool friends. But that does not mean that I've never felt lonely before. And that does not mean that I don't feel lonely during the holidays.
As I've hopefully mentioned at some point. I'm an only child. Meaning I don't have siblings and most of my life I've done things by myself. I've always had my own room, my own things, my own mind and my own life. I guess you could say I was born independent. I have been to quite a few concerts by myself. Needless to say, I don't let me being one singular person stop me from doing the things that I enjoy.
Another thing about me is that I don't need people. If someone is in my life it's because I want them there. But I have learned the hard way that I cannot depend on others for anything. For that reason, being alone has never actually bothered me. I've been doing it all my life!
But there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
Being alone means physically being by yourself. Like when you need to run to Target really quick because you only need a few things and don't plan to be there long so you don't invite anyone. You're alone but you're not lonely because you're on a mission and in that moment you're not thinking about your support system.
Being lonely means having something terrible happen but not feeling like you can tell anyone because nobody cares or will understand you. This is akin to coming to a party with someone, them ditching you, and every second you hate it more but can't leave. You're in a room full of people but you feel very isolated and alone.
Again, I have great parents and great friends to confide in. But my issue is I don't feel that they will understand and I do not want to be a burden to them with my feelings. So I bottle things up and that makes me feel really alone because it feels as if I cannot tell anyone about my complete life without judgment or with wholehearted understanding.
But I've noticed that I feel this feeling even more frequently around the holidays. And yes, I have these friends and family but I often wish I had some sort of partner to tell everything to. Seeing happy couples together during the holidays is really hard for me because I feel so alone. I also feel as if I will never have that. Even the people I'm happy for together are sometimes hard to be around because I can't and never will be able to relate to their feelings for one another.
I just hope one day I, nor anyone else, never has to feel the feeling of being lonely ever again but can 100% be alone and independent.
