Living in an Indian-American household, there was, and still is, some confusion about what ideals and morals to adhere to. There were always certain rules to follow, appearances to maintain, and expectations to live up to. As the oldest daughter of first-generation immigrants, I definitely felt the pressure to be successful in everything I did. I needed to have the best grades, do well in several extracurricular activities, as well as stay connected to my culture and religion. While I am fortunate enough to have parents that never explicitly stated that I needed to live up to others' expectations, the majority of my South Asian counterparts are plagued with the phrase "log kya kahenge?" or "what will people say?"
The mentality of caring immensely about what others will say or think about them is a staple in our culture, drilled into our heads since we were born. While I love my culture, the idea of "log kya kahenge" emphasizes how much of South Asian culture is focused on shame and guilt. So many of us are pressured into doing what we don't want to do, because of the fear of what other people will think or say about us. We're pressured into choosing majors we don't want to study, careers we don't want, and spouses we don't even like.
I've been told to take down certain social media posts, because of the fear of what my relatives back in India might think. Some of my friends have been forced to choose biology and engineering as their majors, when all they really wanted to do was study acting, or go to culinary school.
"Log kya kahenge?" not only holds us back from what we truly wish to accomplish, but it is also a method of control and dominance used by the older generation to force us into complying with outdated traditions and behaviors that they see as acceptable. It is the phrase used to stop young women from wearing what they want to wear, or traveling abroad by themselves. It is used to discourage women from speaking up about domestic violence or rape. It is used to push couples to have children, or to discourage one from marrying outside their race or religion.
To be frank, "log kya kahenge?" is a toxic concept that tries to silence individuals who try to point out what is wrong with our culture. Why should we care about what others think? Why should we live our lives according to the expectations of others?
We cannot let this mentality dictate what decisions we make in our lives, because ultimately, we are the ones living it, and not anyone else.
