Disclaimer: Satire

“I just stand there in the nude, look at my flesh, and oddly I don’t resent every aspect of my being,” says local female, Sherill Tooler, about her pretty average looking body.

“I hear most women like me spend a majority of their days wanting to set fire to their skin. My friend Jan does this odd thing where she’ll be hungry, eat, and then immediately spin into this chaotic convulsing fit where her eyes turn back into her head and a deep voice from within mutters the words, ‘Why the fuck did you just do that Jan, why did you consume those calories, your full stomach now bears the weight of your disgusting exterior, REPENT!’ It’s truly unsettling to watch."

Sherill tries to tell her after the outbursts that she should really talk to someone about it, but she always reassures Sherill that it’s completely normal and most women’s egos curse their existence and that besides, it keeps her thin!

"But, I can’t really see that being an enjoyable way to live. Someone inside of you, that you can’t get rid of, always telling you that you’re repulsive? Sounds sort of like a hellscape if you ask me.

“I mean trust me, I’ve certainly got my problems. My parents locked me in a bunker for 17 years and then released me upon my 18th birthday to live out the rest of my life in freedom. I may have missed out on a few things like childhood and family love, but one benefit was complete ignorance of my body compared to what was seen on media because I couldn’t really see either!” Sherill said.

Apparently, in this day and age, women have had an unfortunate reaction to only staring at one body type during their 6 hours of daily media consumption. Who knew they’d spin out of control after a lifetime of being told they’re worthless without certain bodily proportions.

Seems to be that this has created a second creature or entity which lives inside the modern day woman ensuring her a perpetual state of misery from the moment she wakes up until the moment her self-despising thoughts silence with sleep.

We don’t really know if there’s actually an answer to fix this issue since most women have been subconsciously internalizing this message since childhood, so the psychological effects must be pretty ingrained in their psyche. Oh well, I guess. At least the other half of the population is sort of normal. They all just have masculinity, dominance, sexual issues that have taken the world by storm, so we’ve got that going for us!