I remember when I was little in elementary school. I would constantly get in trouble in Kindergarten and 1st grade because I was overly talkative. I'd finish my work before all of the other kids and then I'd start to distract them. My life was plagued with, "Austin! Stop talking!" and constant notes home about my behavior. Eventually, I was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade and started taking medicine. Instantly the teacher noticed a huge change. Neater handwriting, less disruptive, etc. She told my mom that I was like a completely new person. And that’s how my life went on for years. I’d take my medicine every morning before school and I’d be normal like everyone else. However as I have gotten older I’ve realized how little people understand about ADHD. It’s so much more than being hyper or disorganized. And all to often I feel like the 3 million people who suffer from it each year are simply ignored. ADHD simply isn't treated as a serious mental disorder. In fact, usually when people claim they have ADHD it’s in a joking manner because they got distracted by something or have a tendency to talk a lot. To people who actually have this condition, that’s like a slap in the face. So I hope to help some of you understand what ADHD actually feels like through my own personal experiences. And for those of you who also have this condition, just know you are not alone.
So the first thing I’d like to make clear about ADHD is that it is different for everyone. Some people with it may not be super hyper or disorganized. They may just be impulsive or inattentive. There are varying levels of severity and each person is affected differently.
Recommended for you
After I was diagnosed with ADHD I was pretty embarrassed by it. I never told anyone because I didn’t want to seem different. I can’t even tell you how many times people would tell me I talked to much or that I was annoying. Learning that there was actually something wrong with me just made it worse. But then I started taking medication for it. The comments about me talking too much stopped. I was noticeably "less annoying". Problem solved right? Well, not quite. The thing about ADHD medication is that it tends to have side affects. Loss of appetite is a big one. After I take my medication, even now, I simply lose any desire to eat anything until it wears off at night. Because of that I’ve always been super scrawny growing up. Insomnia is another side affect. Sleeping has always been pretty difficult for me on the days that I do take medicine. Meaning I’m almost always tired because I repeat the same thing every day, slowly pushing myself further into exhaustion. But hey, at least I can focus on my school work or driving without any worries. In a lot of ways, being medicated helps. But it also sucks. It’s a trade off in a sense. Should I be impulsive today or should I only eat one meal and stay up all night?
Now one question lot’s of people ask me is how does it feel to have ADHD. And that’s a complicated question. It feels different for everyone. But I can tell you how it feels for me. Like I mentioned before, when I was younger I was super hyper and talkative all the time. I wasn’t really inattentive for the most part. I was just really annoying. As I got older however the hyperactivity kind of went away. However it is really hard to focus. When I’m not taking my medicine I lose focus extremely quickly. If I see someone I know walk by I’ll abandon what I’m doing to go talk to them. Even my thoughts are hard for me to focus on. Imagine being in a small life raft and tons of waves are crashing into you, overwhelming you. That’s how it feels a lot of the time when I’m not medicated. Helplessly trying to focus on a single thing while my mind has other plans. Impulsiveness is also a huge problem. I’ll make a rash purchase and immediately regret it. I may say something without thinking or act without weighing the consequences. It’s as if my ability to rationally think is almost completely removed. Organization is simply nonexistent. My room is generally a wreck because I don’t have the patience or mindset to organize things unless I have taken my medicine. And even then the medicine doesn’t last forever. Even as I write this article my mind is trying to jump from topic to topic, thought to thought, and append them to the article without a second thought. It’s a constant state of disfunction.
ADHD isn’t simply lacking the will to pay attention. It’s not just losing focus one time or being a hyper talker. It’s certainly not something you can just self diagnose. It’s a constant burden that so many people must face. Medication doesn’t simply take away the effects of the ADHD, it is also known to work a bit too well. Making it hard to find joy in anything you're doing and just having a dull outlook on the world. If this article seems a bit all over the place it should. I wrote it after the medication began to wear off. At first it was barely noticeable but as I continued writing my focus just slowly began to drift.
Now let me make something clear before I end this article. This isn’t meant to display that my life is so difficult. It isn’t. I’m not saying ADHD is the worst possible condition to have. It isn’t. But it is a serious mental condition and in some people it can be a true hinderance. One that can only be overcome with medicine that will take away your symptoms along with your sleep and your appetite. ADHD is something that most people simply ignore when talking about mental illness, and that needs to change.
