People think I’m crazy for wanting to be home so much, my parents included. They want me to go out, to live life, to get a ‘college experience.’ But for me, being home with my family and dogs—and even being home by myself—is imperative for an enjoyable college experience.
There’s an expectation that you live with your parents throughout elementary, middle, and high school. After that you dorm at your college or university, and then go on to live in an apartment independently or with roommates. That’s not okay for me. I’m not finished living with my parents, I’m not ready to call a bedroom mine if it isn’t my childhood bedroom. My family house is my home, and no other place I visit or temporarily live in compares.
Most people don’t understand why I prefer being at home with my parents. Is our house-life so great? Why don’t I enjoying dorming? Why don’t I want to move out and live independently? Why do I rely so heavily on my parents?
For years, friends and family made me feel belittled, stupid, and odd; something was wrong with me for not wanting to be out, for not wanting more independence, for not challenging my parents' expectations and rules. My parents encouraged me to go out, party, and gain new experiences. But I didn't, and don't, want to. Sue me.
Why should I live miserably in a dorm, or in an apartment, when I have the opportunity to live happily at home? Being in the bed my parents surprised me with as a child and being with my dogs who make me feel happy and loved, makes me feel much happier about life, rather than feeling incomplete and alone in a dorm room (despite the fact that I have friends and acquaintances on campus).
I am very, very close to my parents. My mom and dad mean the world to me. We’re not one of those lovey dovey families that hugs or even says ‘I love you’ unless there’s a tragic or a celebratory occasion, but I really love my parents. A lot. And I’m not saying that people who live away from their parents don’t have a similar love; I’m just saying that for me, the bond is close. We argue and fight a lot, but my parents have always been a source of support and encouragement. They help me deal with my all my baggage and know exactly how to keep me on my toes and get over things; when I have my hypochondriac moments, my mom is there to yell at me and slap me out of it. When I had negative rooming and dorming moments, my mom was always there to talk me through the depression. When I need something, anything—whether it’s someone to buy me food, get gas for my car when I’m lazy or unemployed, or help me unpack my dorm room for the semester—my dad is there. He goes above and beyond. And that’s not something you get with friends who are around for a few months or years before they drift away or stab you in the back.
Another question I’m asked is why am I keeping myself away from the college experience? Well, to that I’d like to ask: what is the college experience? Is it drinking with friends? Skipping class for parties and concerts? (Okay, if there were more concerts I was interested in, this could happen). Hooking up with classmates and strangers? Pulling all-nighters for fun? Living out of dirty laundry for a while because as a college student you’re either too tired, too lazy, or too poor to do laundry all the time? None of that seems appealing to me.
My college experience, like my living experience, may be different than the one you want college students like me to have, but that doesn’t mean it’s worse. I am not the type of woman who can move away from her home and family and be okay with that. It won’t make me more independent or productive; forcing or expecting me to do so will make me resentful and miserable.
