We’re now nearing October and most college students have settled into dorm life to some extent. If you are anything like me, you may be experiencing mixed feelings about that person that you share a room with. Maybe you have started to realize some of your frustrations with this person. This can lead to serious problems that can distract from your work and social life among other things. That's why I decided to formulate a few tips on how to make the best of a roommate experience and also how to avoid making some common mistakes for the future. Coming into college, I had the unique advantage of having already attended boarding school for two years. This prepared me for many aspects of dorm life, particularly having a roommate. It may seem like a pretty basic process, but if you’re like me (a human being with emotions and preferences) there are many important nuances that go into having a good relationship with your roommate. Here are a few things you can do to avoid the stress of roommate conflict so you can focus on the stress of work:
1. If you have the option to choose your roommate, TAKE IT Even if it’s a tough decision!
It's too late this year, and some of you may already be realizing it, but allowing yourself to be assigned a roommate can sometimes lead to disasterous consequences. This is not to say that everybody gets put with someone they definitely don't like, but my experience with roommate randomization has been rather unpleasant. My first roommate in boarding school was a Chinese student who spoke very little English and thus had a very difficult time communicating. This was easily my worst roommate experience and the inspiration for many parts of this guide. I got randomly assigned to, we’ll call him George, and this made for a lot of difficulties. I made sure to always try to control the roommate choosing process after that, and so far I’ve gotten along with my roommates famously. The process of choosing a roommate online is never perfect. In fact, a bunch of us guys at Vassar 2020 made a Facebook group because the portal they have set up for selecting roommates is, frankly put, terrible. So far, I’m satisfied with the roommate I chose which proves that it’s always worth going that extra mile to try and find someone who you’ll get along with.
2. Make a set of guidelines.
It’s important to make it clear to your roommate that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend who will visit once a month or that you have a sleep thrashing problem or, if you’re me, have an undiagnosable medical issue that doesn’t allow you to take the top bunk. Any dire information that could ultimately cause problems with your roommate down the road should be shared. That being said, this is not a reason to do what this girl (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ucla-freshman-sends-li...) did and write a list of demands. That brings me to my third point,
3. Don’t be overly assertive or demanding; compromise is key.
First impressions are everything, and if you walk into your room guns blazing with commands and strict rules, you’re not going to have a great first year. That’s why it is important to listen to your roommate and calmly share your concerns in order to find a middle ground on issues. Chances are, if you want one side of the room, your roommate will be fine taking the other or, even more likely, won’t really care. In these cases (the vast majority) where the problem could be solved in a minute, getting assertive would have caused nothing but problems for no reason.
4. It may be uncomfortable, but you need to talk about sex!
An experience at the hedonistic that is the liberal arts college will, in most cases, consist of some amount of sex. It’s important to make boundaries and, even better, a system for alloting ‘alone time’ with your roommate. Now, sex of course is sometimes unexpected and therefore it can be difficult to plan, which is why the old cliched Tie-on-the-knob system is still going strong at Vassar. Though my roommate and I have agreed to a color coded sock-on-the-knob system. Finally, there are one hard and fast rules that all good roommates must abide by: Don’t have sex with your roommate! It causes nothing but trouble.
5. Customize your room with your roommate to make it a shared experience.
For example, my roommate and I turned his wall into what we call The Wall of Fame. Any object of significance to our college experience gets taped to the wall. Currently we have a chinese menu, a box of tic-tacs and our summer reading book. Having something that both roommates can be a part of can be a great way to bond and also have a mutual responsibility to take good care of the room.
6. Be as courteous, polite and clean as possible.
Some of us are cranky in the morning. Some of us get pissed when we’re trying to work and our roommate is blasting music. Some of us keep it as clean as possible. There are very simple actions you can take to avoid problems here. If the garbage is full, take it out. If it’s early and your roommate is asleep, be quiet. Finally, try not to be a slob, nobody likes a slob.
7. Be aware of schedule differences, particularly who wakes up when.
My roommate gets super frustrated in the morning, and I have 9:00 or 10:30 am classes every morning, whereas his earliest class is like 11:30 am. Neither of us are early risers, but every morning I am up before him to collect my stuff and go to class. This can lead to a lot of grumbles and even some yelling: nobody wants that! The best thing to do is use the time when you are both up, usually night time, to get your stuff ready for the morning so you can be out the door as soon as possible. Trust me on this one, you do not want to face the wrath of a woken-up roommate.
8. Finally, you don’t have to be friends with your roommate, but never rule it out.
Lets face it, making friends is hard at all stages of life. Just because you’re around a lot of people in clubs and classes and dorms doesn’t make you instant friends. The one opportunity for an almost instant friend is your roommate. My roommate and I spent our entire orientation practically glued to each other as we slowly branched out to make friends. Roommates are a great safety net and can also be someone you can rely on in tough situations.
Thanks for reading my first article!
