Soon, if not already, the Class of 2020 will be packing up their stuff for college. And just imagine this scene: your parents drive you through suburbia on your way out, you may be thinking “Finally, Freedom!” It's almost an accomplishment, a feat, a way out. You have never been happier to leave home and leave behind the small everybody-knows-you mindset you grew up with and enter the realm of the unknown. But, before you get too excited about leaving the suburbs for the College World, let's collectively take a minute to remind ourselves of the parts that we are all going to miss about living in the ol' suburbia we know too well.
Living Legions Away From Your Best Pals
If you’re one of the lucky few who only befriend those who live on your street or neighborhood (aka you are in a friend group that is homogenous racially, religiously, and geographically), YGG. But if you are like most normal people and dare to befriend those in other geographic locations, then living in suburbia offers the great opportunity to host massive slumber parties...that none of your friends can come to because they live so far away.
The Obscure Rules
I doubt it’s just my subdivision. In fact, I’ve noticed that gated subdivisions and subdivisions with golf courses have a nasty tendency to have random and odd rules that all members must follow. Here are a few from my neighborhood, which according to a few of my more affluent friends, aren’t actually that bad:
1. Trash Cans Cannot Be Visible
Although we do not live sustainably efficient nor do we recycle/compost everything, apparently we as suburbians don’t create any waste. Obviously, this must be the case because trash cans are not allowed to be visibly placed in my neighborhood. Like my family, most people place them inside the garage, hidden away from public eye. If you dare to “forget” this unspoken rule, be prepared to face the neighborhood’s evil eye.
2. You Must Maintain Your Yard
Perfectly trimmed grass and aesthetically places shrubbery are a must. If you are in the upper middle class like my family, then you can only afford to get your grass cut every two weeks. I guess your next question is so can those who cut people’s lawns for a living even afford to keep their own lawns perfectly trimmed?
3. Take Golf Lessons
Back in eighth grade, my sister and I both signed up for a summer golf course. You can’t drive on a golf course every day after tennis practice and not feel like a phony. Fake it til you make it, right?
4. One Golf Cart is a Minimum
Whether or not you actually play golf, it is socially unacceptable to not own a golf cart. Since my family does not play golf, they feel like it, therefore, makes perfect sense not to spend moolah on this seemingly lavish and unnecessary expense. However, this act directly conflicts with suburban standards. What were they thinking? How dare they!
5. You Aren’t “Supposed” to Build a Pool
A pool is the equivalent of an oasis in the Sahara. Like how all the animals come drink water at the pool, all the community members flock to the pool. While you are in the neighborhood, be basic and post a cute pool picture while flipping your hair with your cute besties. However, the pool is the iconic symbol of summer and community unity, so therefore building a pool in your backyard is unacceptable. Unfortunately, a pool, tennis, golf course membership and golf cart rental is extra.
By this point, you are probably in debt paying these fines because you are a normal human being. Sorry, if you fit into this category, you shouldn’t have invested in such a nice house on such prime property.
As a true suburban kid, I’ve had the privilege of living in suburbia. As you can tell by the seriousness of this article, I can’t wait to get an MRS degree in college and quickly move back to the comfort of suburbia.
Living in suburbia has its perks, I promise ;)
