From the time I was born, I never quite abided by the norm. As a baby I was 21 inches, larger than the average. I continued to grow until my current height of 6 feet 6 inches, also above the average. However, my physical stature was not the only thing about me that wasn't in the norm. You've probably heard the term "gender norms" thrown around a couple of times. These are the behaviors and ideas we expect men and women to adhere. Of course, there is discussion of gender out of a binary system (e.g. there are more genders than just male and female), but that is not the focus here. Instead I intend to discuss how these expectations affected my youth and my mindset today.
For me, a male, some people are shocked by my interests and hobbies. This started back before I was even 5 feet tall. I remember in elementary school all the boys playing football during recess. I, on the other hand, did not care for the sport so I would play tag or some other game with the girls. I did not see this as a problem until I was on a school field trip to some amusement park. I was grouped with some of the other boys in my class, and I distinctly remember one of the boys saying, "You know, you're alright. I always thought you were gay, but you proved me wrong." Now, being from the rural south, this was an insult at the time because he had basically said I wasn't a real man. Instead he was insinuating that I was actually a girl (I don't think he or I knew what gay meant at the time). This occurred more frequently as I got older. My interest in art and musicals often had the other guys questioning both my manliness and my sexuality. To make things worse, the stereotypical southern man loves to hunt and fish. I despise both activities. My father tried for years to build that interest, but I could not be swayed. While he means nothing by it, I've overheard the jokes about him "failing" because he couldn't change my opinion.
I thought once I left for college all of this gendered nonsense would be over. Of course, I was wrong. In college, I developed some new interests. I began to love cooking and drinking wine. In some circles, this was praised but others deemed this as feminine. Friends would joke about "taking my man-card" or how I was the perfect housewife. The gawking even occurred at my summer job, supervisor at a summer school. I braided a little girls hair and the workers and students alike were astounded and poked a bit of fun. I went along with the jokes, even made them at my own expense (others were less likely to make the joke if I wore it out first). None the less, I always felt uneasy about it. Constant exposure to these ideas left me insecure for a long time. I questioned my personal identity in many ways, and had to work to gain back my confidence during high school and college.
People are taught these norms from an early age and it carries throughout our lives. No matter what we like to think, these norms influence us on a daily basis. My aunt was selling Rainbow vacuums and needed to demonstrate its capabilities to a certain number of people. However, I couldn't help because I wasn't a married woman. Apparently men don't clean? Products are marketed in drastically different ways to men and women, and are often different colors. For some reason I've been led to believe that any product I use should be blue or black. At the same time, women should only use something if it is pink. Despite all of this, I have grown into an extremely open-minded person. I continue to paint, draw, cook, and am even willing to braid your hair. Instead of conforming and sacrificing my interests, I have fully embraced who I am. So I implore you: let little boys wear pink and cook while girls wear blue and play football.Your life should not be dictated by your gender. Take a chance and do something outside your gender norm. You might just love it.
