Being in college and entering into the grandiose world of adulthood, a lot of us feel that there is a laundry list of things to be achieved. Finish school, get a job, pay bills, start to live your own life, etc, but what happens when you do all of these things but still live at home? If you pay your own bills and contribute towards things in the house, but still have to follow the rules of your parents?
There is a fine line between adulthood and living with your parents into adulthood, and when you are in your twenties it is something that can be a little awkward to figure out. However, as someone who is self-claiming as a 'teen-adult' (I am Twenty-Four for anyone interested), I'm going to share with you some of the things I've experienced in the spans of living at home versus my own place, or in this case the school dorm.
The intent of this list is to inform future potential adults about some of the things (both good and bad) we weren't told about the transition to adulthood. At least while you are still living with your parents, 'real' adulthood? I honestly can't tell you because I'm not even there yet.
1. Pro: You are saving money, while also being held financially responsible for things.
In saying this, you still have to provide financial help however you and your parents deem feet, but they also know that you are trying to move on in life. This could be anything from paying rent, to being responsible for groceries, as well as contributing towards other familial finances. However, you are allowed to contribute more than is expected of you to show goodwill with your parents. There is always room to do more than expected, and the expectations are usually pretty achievable.
2. Con: Stories get censored between home and social gatherings.
Have you ever been in the middle of sharing a story or anecdote and realize that there are details you really shouldn't be sharing in front of your parents? There are things you do with your family, and there are things you do out in the world when they aren't around. While these worlds tend to blur from time to time, there are just some stories you don't share with your parents or siblings.
3. Pro: There's no curfew or requirement to call mom and dad when you go out.
When you go out, you go out, there is no need for your parents to keep tabs on you, or for you to constantly check in. If you stay out late, you stay out late, just make sure that you bring your keys with you! Say goodbye to text updates, leaving parties early, or not getting to spend the night.
4. Con: But you're so used to it you do it anyway.
Okay, so maybe not so much of a con, but going back to the being responsible thing. Now that you know you don't have to keep your parents updated, you now want to. For example, I let my parents know when I'm home or at my destination and on my way someplace, as well as have a ten o'clock pm rule when I'm at parties to let them know if I am staying over a friends house or will be home late. They appreciate the gesture, and I earn points in my own right. Now, if you get your
5. Pro: There is no need for unknown roommates from the internet (or newspapers).
Though it works out in Hollywood-I mean have you watched New Girl?- there is a reason that we grow up being leery of people from the internet. You don't know them beforehand, you don't know their habits-cleaning or otherwise- quirks, or any and all forms of baggage that they'll come with. This means exes, friends, potential mutual anything, or just any sort of mix of things that is bad.
With your family, you know what you're getting into because, well, you already spend at least eighteen years with them, so you've gotten accustomed to the things that make them unique or have long ago learned to suck it up.
6. Con: You still have to follow the house rules.
No boys upstairs, no phone calls past 9 p.m., you should have electronics off a bit before bed (more a suggestion was given family bonding over television or movies), no drinking, make sure your chores are done before you start anything recreational... it all varies from house to house. Some you may not even have to follow anymore, but you don't know otherwise, so you do it to be safe. However, rules you may have ignored outside the house, but are inflexible, or non-negotiable? You are still expected to follow.
I mean not your roof, not your rules. This is especially important when you are an older sibling with siblings that are still at home. You don't want to undermine your parents, and you want to show them respect as well as prove your maturity as the adult who is living with whatever accommodations they have in place for you.
7. Pro: However in some fields there's leniency since you're an adult now.
For example, drinking, if you are of age and you don't drink their entire liquor cabinet, you are okay. Just remember to practice moderation, and don't go chugging back a six pack every weekend. They are still your parents, and it may not be a comfortable situation for all involved yet. And if you're going to have to ask if you want anything.
As a parent, they have moments where they are painfully aware of your age, but others where you're their kid, so they don't think about you wanting a glass of wine with dinner, or making a cocktail when the family is entertaining. Again, use your discretion and a fair measure of moderation.
8. Con: Just don't overstep on anything, it will bite you in the tush.
This may come as a shocker to a lot of twenty-somethings, but your parents know how to parent. They kinda did that for you to help you gain your independence and ideas and morals. So do yourself a favor and don't try to put your two cents in where it doesn't belong. You don't try to become a proxy parent to siblings, which sometimes may just seem like you're giving advice, but you also don't want to be an absent sibling or child.
That isn't to say that you don't say anything or become a quiet voice of agreement in the background. Instead, what you should do is converse with your parents, see where they are on the subject and what advice has already been given.
DISCLAIMER!! If you are told something in confidence, save for extreme circumstances, you keep that confidence. You're going to have to straddle the line between confidant and an adult who isn't afraid to admit you don't know what to do in a given situation.
9. Con: You won't always see eye to eye on everything.
This may seem like a repeat of the previous con, however, this is in more than just how your parents do things. This is about how you live your life, how you may have gone about things in your dorm/ previous living space that doesn't fly at home. Your methods of cleaning may be different from Dad's, and your problem-solving approach could stray from Mom's.
This is fair, people are all different and see things from varying perspectives. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that any or both parties are always wrong. I say something you didn't, or maybe together with the differences, a new third option may become apparent. So, this is just a reminder to keep an open mind and try to show as much patience as they have for the past Twenty-plus years of your life.
10. Pro/Con: You'll be used for errands, but at least you get the car.
So, in my personal case, I don't own a car, but I do have my license. So, if my mom is cooking something and needs someone to run to the store for a missing ingredient for dinner, I'm here go to. This gives me use of the car, and if I needed to pick something up while I was there, I would be good. This also leaves you open to ask for the car for your own errands, and you always make sure to ask if anyone needs anything while you're out.
This proves that you are grateful for the use of the car, as well as that you have the whole house in mind when you go out, and not just yourself. Another tip is to contribute to car care as much as you can as well since you are part of the wear and tear that is going on.
11. Pro: You get to pull off the full transition to 'full' adulthood.
Okay, so this may be the college student laziness coming in, but is also kinda true. So long as you are putting forth all the effort and asking for help in a timely fashion (not when everything is crashing and burning), they'll respect you and help. Will they push you to need it less and less, to ensure that you actually do move out and start your own life? Yes. But will they also do what they think is best for you and never stop teaching you valuable life lessons? Also yes.
12. Pro: You will have an amazing support system to help you succeed.
Okay, this may be a no-brainer, but hey, it needs to be said. I am not an expert on parenting, but I am an 'expert' at being a child, I guess? I know that no matter how angry I make my parents or how much I mess up, my parents will still love me and do their best to help me. In return, they know that I will do my best to grow up into the good person they know I can be, and be the adult they raised me to be. Overall, being at home has its moments, but if you ever get a too cagey, remember that you can always go out for air, or go for a walk to clear things off.
