I run an Instagram account with over 1,000 followers. Will this get me anywhere in life? Probably not, but in the moment I’m given a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment every time my notifications tell me someone new has followed me. It’s an adrenaline rush, a unique high that occurs when a selfie of mine or any other photo racks up like after like after like. Why?

Often, my phone is continuously buzzing, informing me that someone new somewhere in the world is looking at my posts and what I have to say. There are times, however, when my notifications have their dull moments. Refresh, refresh, refresh. I spend time waiting anxiously for another like, another comment, another follow.

I never used to know much about the reason behind it. I never knew why I crave this social media attention so much. I’ve considered it’s because I’m self-centered and need the attention to drive my ego. Perhaps it was me attempting to feed my insecurities by obtaining validity through a mass of strangers looking at me through their screens.

Whatever the reason, I don’t see my obsession as much of a problem. My friends and family may say I’m “glued to my screen” or “need to get out more,” but I enjoy my life in my self-created social media bubble. Yes, it’s true that I’m more disconnected from the world around me, as I’ve been told countless times before. But being disconnected from the “real world” lets me connect to a whole new set of people on the internet. My love for likes isn’t just a one-way street; I love to like the photos of my followers, to see what they’re doing with their lives. I love to reply to them when they ask me questions or leave me comments. I love being able to readily and easily find other people with similar interests.

I’ve come to learn that the reason I love getting attention on social media isn’t because I’m selfish or insecure. Rather, it gives me a sense of community. I get a “high” from those endless notifications because it’s like talking to friends. No, it is talking to friends. Sure, I’ve never met any of my followers in person, but the bond we share online far outweighs the need for that physical interaction. We private message each other about how are days were just like old friends would. My followers are more than just my followers; they’re my friends. Spending time with them evokes the same feelings of happiness I get when spending time with “real life” friends.

I could end this article with a cliché “I realized that if I just turn off my phone and focus on the world around me, I’ll be happier.” But for me, I don’t think that’s true. I spend a lot of my time on my phone, but it’s being spent with my followers. It’s being spent with my friends. I’m not ready to give up my life on the Internet because I’m not ready to give them up. I crave social media attention because I crave a connection with my friends.