My boyfriend hates the winter. He hates snow, he hates cold, and he HATES shoveling the car out of the driveway. I, on the other hand, love snow.
Most of my best childhood memories involve snow. My favorite seasons are Fall and Winter. I hate Summer because it's muggy and hot. I hate wearing shorts because I'm insecure over my legs. We both want different places to settle down in. He wants down south and I want up north.
This poses a problem in our relationship. For a while, we ignored it but then we decided that we should talk it out. We came up with a compromise. It's not perfect and I definitely got the better side of the deal but it'll keep us together. We live up here for another 10 years so I can have some semblance of a career, then we move to California or down south for better weather but while also allowing me to be near publishing companies.
Honestly, we aren't the only ones who face difficulties when deciding where to move and where to create a life with each other. All couples have to have the talk about what each other wants, where they want to live, and how they want to live.
If you don't get to the same page quickly about that kind of stuff, it can stall a couple. It keeps them from moving into the next phase of the relationship, and then the relationship turns toxic because one or both parties aren't satisfied with how they are living. Some of the most well-known celebrity relationships are seen to have this problem. The distance and living situations turn toxic. It creates a space of distrust and loneliness.
Justin and Selena are examples of the "distance and space" are too much for us.
But then there are couples who support each other and acknowledge distance or differing wants are hard, but also that they work through them by making an effort to compromise.
Take Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. They make it work, even with two children.
But hey, celebrities aren't the only people who struggle with distance and where to live. Take it from regular folk like you and me who spoke about it on Reddit:
"To me, a LDR is like loving somebody without actually knowing them. Sort of like being a fan of an actor or singer. People fall in love with a person hundreds of miles away and you build all these fantasies and expectations about how your relationship will be when you finally meet or when you move in together. Then what you get is rarely what is expected, and everything goes down the drain. You might talk 24/7 but until you actually spend real time in their presence doing mundane shit, you'll never really know them. I've been in a couple LDRs where we met online and then either I moved where they were or they moved where I was and they were all disasters. The only time I can understand having one is if you are already together but you have to temporarily separate for whatever reason." -MsDorisBeardsworth
"We want to live in opposite places (He's a big city guy, I'm a small town girl), so we are kind of stuck here until we decide. I've played the waiting game, and it isn't fun. The point is that this is a question of values. Do you want to stay with a guy that is essentially holding you back from acheiving your goals? From what I see, You have a few choices here:
*Stay where you are and wait for relocation, marriage, the works. Know that it is possibly fruitless and may result in a break up anyway.
*Move, and hold a LDR- maybe once you've settled and you can show bf how happy you are, he will want to join you. Know that this may result in a break up as well.
*Break up, move, get on with your life." -squ1rrel
"I've lived in the Midwest my entire life, and need to find something new. I've been looking up different cities, with a more metropolitan feel to them, and settled on a few that are more than a couple hours away driving time. I've visited each of these multiple times, and would be more than happy living in any of them. After all, I'm young still and I don't want to limit myself to my hometown for much longer. However my boyfriend is pretty against us leaving, and it is causing strain on the two of us. I feel like ever since I've brought it up, his mood towards me has changed...I just believe in being honest about our relationship and wanted to share with him my desire for us to go as a team." -flea_baguette
"I'm in a long distance relationship. It sucks. And it hurts to not be able to be with them when you want. But having a vision of when and what it will be like when y'all are together is what makes it worth it. If they are the one that you see yourself marrying and having a future with then it will all be worth it. I'm fighting this battle every day and I feel your pain but don't give up if you truly love this person. I think about what the moment will be like when I'm finally reunited with her every day and that's what keeps me going. Keep your head up and keep fighting. It will be worth it one day." -TheOneAndOnlyHO
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
Whether it be wanting to live in different climates, different places in the world, or having to be apart for college, there always has to be compromise and honest conversations. Without them, the couple simply won't make it.
My boyfriend and I have to separate for a month while I'm away in London, but I think that's the only way LDR work. Being together already and having time behind the distance is the only way to make it work, short-term.
Long term, I'm lucky because my boyfriend knows how much my career means to me, so he is holding off on his warm weather in an effort to make me happy, but one day I'll go somewhere warm and miss my winters because that's what you do when you love someone.
You work to make them happy, even if you suffer a bit in the process.
Relationships are all about give and take.
