Before starting college, I had never been away from New Jersey for more than a week. New Jersey was my home and everything that I knew. But I yearned for something different: adventure and the desire to discover who I really am were driving forces in my decision to go to a college over a thousand miles from my home. That something different is now my second home, and I call it Louisiana.
Going back and forth between New Jersey and Louisiana can be quite frustrating sometimes. The frustration is not from the plane rides or the long drives--it is from the difficulty I face when trying to create a life for myself. I have to split my time between two worlds: New Jersey for the summer and part of the winter, and Louisiana for the remaining time. This makes it hard to maintain friendships as I would like and even harder to attempt relationships. There are times when I really want more stability and consistency, but I continue to remind myself that all of these experiences are worth it. Maybe I will even find some sort of security in all of this madness.
Sometimes I find myself missing my "old" friends and family when I'm in Louisiana. An immense sadness comes over me, telling me that I am alone and far away from what I have always known. While it can be lonely at times, I am building a life of my own and learning how to be a strong, independent person. Times of sadness are quickly replaced by joy and excitement for what is to come next. I am learning about who I am and what I need to do for both me and this world.
Although I love New Jersey, I can no longer use it as my crutch. In the same way, I cannot let anyone or anything be my crutch. I have to become strong on my own and learn how to deal with any type of situation I am faced with. Many times I have to remind myself that, when I was in New Jersey, I wanted and needed change. Most importantly, though, I needed (and still need) to find out who I really am.
There is something about being thrown into an unfamiliar setting with nobody but myself (and my family and old friends to talk to on the phone) that makes me feel empowered and strong. I am the one calling the shots now, and it feels right. I feel like I can do anything; no battle is too large for me to conquer. My decision to come to Louisiana was truly one of the best I've made in my life, and I know it has made me a stronger person and I will continue to learn about who I am through this enlightening journey.
