Let's get one thing straight, I am not a clean person.

I like to say that I am part organized chaos, part creative clutter. I once read that people who are more creative tend to keep their spaces less clean and organized. Ever since then, I have accepted my nature. I am not totally disgusting though, I just don't know how to be uncluttered. I do my best to keep the public spaces in my house clean and clear of my stuff tornado, but the places that are all my own are a complete mess. However, recently I have figured out that to be a clean person on the outside you have to be clean on the inside.

Why am I saying all of these things? I have realized that keeping your soul clean is just as important as keeping your house straight, if not more so.

Just like my house, my outside appearance is put together. I make sure I look presentable, I am a generally calm person, and I do my best to just go with the flow.Similarly, just like my house, the inside and the most personal spaces are a complete disaster area.

I am almost positive I suffer from some sort of social disorder as well as anxiety. It is something I have been able to handle my entire life, but I have had my fair share of panic attacks and trouble sleeping because my mind is always on. Of course, this hasn't been medically diagnosed and I wouldn't say "suffer" is the right word because it is just a part of who I am and I like who I am for the most part.

Part of the reason why I am so messy on the outside is because if I am not careful, the mess in my head overflows. Kind of like a toilet when it gets clogged, or if you never clean out your shower drain eventually your loose hairs will clog it so much it wont drain properly.

Here is an analogy for clarification, since we are talking about messes and cleaning:

I like to refer to the soul as a garbage disposal. It is a place out of sight, but you know it is there, and sometimes you genuinely forget about it because you are worried about everything else. You can shove as many things as you want into it, and no one wil ever know it is there. When it gets grimy and full of too many wilted veggies, old cereal and bad meat it'll start to smell. You will keep shoving and stuffing the disposal and sniffing the air with disgust. You'll start to wonder what has overtaken your comfortable, seemingly clean home, Your friends will tell you that everything looks alright but something is just off. You'll take out the garbage and clean out the fridge thinking that those are the havens for the putrid smell.

Until you remember the disposal.

Then, you just flip the switch. You'll hear the grind of the gears as they chop up the digusting mess and suction them down into a place where they can be disposed of. Just like that it will be gone. You will be able to breathe easy, your friends will say they don't notice the invisible dumpster scent anymore. Your life will be back to where it was.

The way that I am wired, my brain produces a lot of disgusting things and my soul disposal is smaller than other peoples. I can only take so much, but then I flip a switch and remember that life is fun and valuable and good. That I should take care of the soul inside my vessel. That I don't have to feel so cluttered. Usually when I do this, the goodness overflows and I clean my personal space, sometimes even the common spaces.

The sterile, white walls of my mind open up and I can breathe easy in real ife too. It is a liberating feeling.

A clean soul means a clean life. You just have to flip the switch.