I’m not going to lie to you, it sucks. Someone took something from you, a piece of your soul that you can never get back. I know it seems like you’re never going to be okay again, that you’re never going to be safe again, you don’t feel in control of anything anymore. The constant fear that everyone you see knows what happened and is judging you. That your worth has decreased in some way. I wish I could tell you that later on in life you are going to forget all about it. I wish I could tell you that you aren’t going to feel that pain and carry this with you for the rest of your life. I wish I could take your memory and pain, but I can’t.
The day after you are going to be hurting. You are going to cry and lock yourself up. You won’t feel comfortable with anyone, you won’t want to talk to anyone. You will become your own worst enemy. Blaming yourself, hurting yourself.
A month after you will have cut ties with most people you held close, you will shut out anyone who knows too much or were too close. You won’t want to be around anyone or do anything. You close your eyes and you are back in that moment, unable to escape. Looking over your shoulder constantly to see if they are there, watching you.
A year later you will finally start to be yourself again, you won’t turn away from every boy you see, you will start to mend your friendships with your friends. And if you haven’t yet, you will open up to your family, friends, teachers, or doctors about what happened.
Two years later your life is back to what it was before this happened. You won’t be looking over your shoulder every time you leave the house. You won’t be scared that every time you leave the house that he or she will be there, watching you.
Five years later you will be the strongest you have ever been. You know what happened and that it wasn’t your fault. You know that it was because someone else believed that they had the right to do things to you that you didn’t want to do, and you forgive them. Not because they deserve your forgiveness, but because you know that someone in their right mind would never do this. You are able to talk about what has happened to you and help other people who have been in the same situations.
You’re going to be okay. You are going to become whole again. You are going to fight like hell and be knocked down, but you WILL be whole again. You will wake up every morning and for a split second you aren’t going to remember it. That second is going to be absolute bliss. You are eventually going to remember, you are going to remember that you survived, and that you are a stronger person because of it. Life goes on after rape, you are stronger than your rapist. You are living proof that when someone does the worst to you, you can stand up and say you survived. YOU SURVIVED. And that is something they will never be able to take away from you. I’m not saying it will be easy, it will be hard, but living your life to the fullest will show them wherever they are that you can’t be broken.
